Passion with a capital P

Why would you or I commit to doing anything we feel less than passionate about? Consider these words from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: “A person who is constantly worried about how others will perceive him/her, who is afraid of creating the wrong impression, or of doing something inappropriate, is also condemned to permanent exclusion from enjoyment.”

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Serene & Neurotic - the perfect combo

I simply adore new mothers. They are the perfect combination of serene and neurotic. One moment they are performing superhuman feats—pushing 9 lb. bundles of love through a canal normally the size of a Bic pen; operating on two hours of sleep or less while continuing to glow like a Madonna—and the next they are stressing out that they might not possess Consumer Reports’ Top 10 must own items to raise your baby if you don’t want them to end up destitute or married to an ax murderer. Like I said, the perfect combo of love-manifest and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

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Turtle Stepping to the Finish Line

How we do one thing is how we do everything. Take a moment to pause, ponder, and consider this. Are you typically a procrastinator or do you jump straight into the fire? Are you organized to perfection or a chronic case of disarray? Do you primarily listen to your head or does your body have the option of weighing in on decision-making? Do you operate from the learned behavior of others or can you recognize the epiphanies of your own heart? What works for you? How do you operate in the world?

Finish Line Approach

Throughout my life I have been each and all of the above, but as I become more aware of my ways of being I see how the initial statement, How we do one thing is how we do everything, rings true on a relatively consistent basis. Two perfect examples are the writing of my book, As I Lay Pondering, and the half marathon I completed this past weekend. In each case, the spark in my heart said, “Go for it!” and set in motion a journey toward the finish line. In either case, was I prepared? Yes and no. Did I believe I could achieve the goal? Yes and no. Did I keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how challenging, scary, or disheartening things became? Unequivocally Yes!

Turtle Steps @ Green Lake

Here is where I am reminded of the timeless story of the tortoise and the hare. My essential way of being holds both characters. I typically leap quickly into the race (once the spark ignites) and then pause to notice what I’ve set in motion. If the goal continues to ring true, I turtle step my way through until the finish. On Saturday, I believed I would finish the race even though my training routine was a bit underdone (just like my book writing experience). All along the route, I checked in with my body and noticed when I was able to push forward and how I needed to occasionally hold back. I ran on the downhills when things felt easy and smooth, and I muttered under my breath on the uphills as I systematically put one foot in front of the other. (To author the book, I kept showing up to the page... even when inspiration or completion seemed a long way off).

When I got scared or tired and felt my heart beat with anxiety, I kept the end result in mind. I felt the exhilaration of crossing the finish line (or holding a completed manuscript in my hand). I believed completion was possible. I chose to follow my vision and turned my back on the naysayers (including my internal critic) who said I couldn’t do “it” without proper training. I wasn’t fully prepared in either instance, but I was prepared enough to begin. In the last two miles of the race, I came upon a t-shirt that read “Courage to Start. Faith to Finish.” It was just what I needed to see me through those last paces.

On Saturday, I set out to have fun, hang out with my daughter and sister, and move my body 13.1 miles without serious injury. I wanted to break my record of last year, but mainly I focused on my intention: Have Fun and Finish. I succeeded in both (and I broke my record by 15 minutes.) It happened one step at a time, because I've learned that...

how I do one thing is how I do everything!

Tortoise? Hare? Combo? Other? What’s the “everything” style that works best for you?

Daily Mosaic

The morning began with a thoughtful reading and a pondering of the line: We are each small stones rolling toward the other to create one vast mosaic.* Oh, it sounded so lovely and connected in the moment. Next I engaged in my morning meditation led by the lovely Susan Piver who ended our time together with these words: May you have a day of unspeakable clarity. Ah, stones creating a mosaic... unspeakable clarity... I was set for the day... and then I opened my email.

Greeting me I found a sweet response from a dear friend, the usual spam and inspirational messages, and a note from CreateSpace letting me know that my Kindle-ready format of As I Lay Pondering was ready for preview. Yay! The long-awaited version I had enlisted the professionals to help create. Ready. Set. Drum roll, please. Open file... Gasp. No. Say it isn’t so. Ugh. Boo. Hiss. It looks like an illiterate chimpanzee designed the tablet. (My apologies to the chimpanzee.) Seriously? This is what I jumped through hoops to enroll in, paid good money for, and waited WEEKS to receive? It is no better than the free test copy I uploaded myself before I decided to turn it over to the “experts.” What ever was I thinking? My next question was what were they thinking? – (although I said it in slightly more professional terms.)

Their response: “I am sorry to hear that your Kindle Edition is not appearing as you expected.” Seriously? Whatever... Next came rote instructions about how they would be getting back to me along with details of how to contact a person immediately. Trying to stay calm, I followed their instructions verbatim and pressed the button that said, “Call us.” Pressing. No response. Pressing again. Still no response. My beautiful day's mosaic was swiftly turning into a jumbled mess. My “unspeakable clarity” was raging in words I dare not put into print. Name calling. A vicarious temper tantrum. Even an out loud bellow in the car on my way to the dentist. Yes, the dentist. A banner day all around.

What was I thinking? Stones rolling toward the other to create one vast mosaic? It feels like a boulder is pressing in on me at top speed and I will soon be flattened like a character in an old school cartoon. My inner dialogue begins... Breathe. Shut up. Breathe. I hate breathing. Relax. Don’t want to. Turn your ugly thoughts around. I don’t wanna! Meditation? Boo hiss. Peace and contentment? Give it to someone else. Knock out the Kindle-version myself? I’d rather knock out the Kindle creator right now!

Several hours elapsed... still no response from Kindle... The day only got more ludicrous, but I will spare you the details for now. Please know, however, I resorted to drastic measures and indulged in sugar cookies (which I did savor) and a tad bit of (necessary) retail therapy in order to move forward. To heck with Polly Positive... Some days a girl just needs to vent!

Chuckle chuckle... as I imagine my readers gasping that my positive outlook has been displaced by a computer glitch. You mean you get upset? I can hear them saying. I had no idea you set up expectations and then got disappointed. Are you kidding? All the time! And then the dialogue begins again between my inner sage and petulant child. Practice. Maybe. Keep rolling. I’ll try. Pondering? It might be worth a go. Vent and rage? Absolutely.

Today's mosaic lesson? Being fully human may just comprise the best stones for unspeakable clarity. Hmmmm. Now what to do about those Kindle people?

*from As I Lay Pondering, "Mosaic"

photos from Casa Battlo, Barcelona

MY NEW BOOK: As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here and at Amazon.com. Get your copy today!!

Impermanence

“That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and changing, is the first mark of existence.” Pema Chodron

Impermanence. My spirits rose higher than a soaring kite and now have calmed to the rhythm of a gently lapping wave. A friend who used to greet me brightly has faded from my life like vapor in a foggy night. A woman waits at a hospital, checking the status box “married.” Two days later she leaves alone with “widow” stamped on her form. My cat, Aslan, was here purring on my chest and now he’s not. Impermanence. How do we acknowledge that all is fleeting and changing? Do we rage against it and demand it isn’t so? Or embrace it with understanding and awareness? Perhaps we simply hope it will drift away like the cat, quietly seeking another place to rest.

Imagine practicing impermanence. Witnessing life in fleeting moments. Loving what is now. Wanting what we get. All these choices build our character and establish the timbre of our lives. Nature teaches us that we cannot catch the wind or hold a ray of sunshine in our hand. One minute the sky is clear and the next clouds have rolled in. Hollywood reminds us, too. Demi Moore reigned on the screen with her beauty and strength. Now she resides in rehab filled with fear and self-doubt. Whitney Houston, the former queen of pop, died in a hotel room the night before the Grammy awards. Life flourishes and then it doesn’t. Reminders all.

My pen will eventually run out of ink. My own lungs will ultimately cease to draw air. What does all this mean today? With what am I left? Now. Only now. In this moment I can feel the air cycling through my body. I hear the scratch of the pen across this page. The light fixture next to me buzzes. Outside a child chatters with her father and waits for the bus. The bus arrives and they all depart. A new sound hastens to fill the space. My lungs draw another breath. My hand scratches out a few more words. A truck’s roar enters the near silence... and fades away.

Impermanence. Perhaps it is the only permanent thing in life.

I’ll be pondering this today. Care to join me?

MY NEW BOOK: As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here and at Amazon.com.