Opening....what?

"An open mind, like an open window, should be screened to keep the bugs out." Virginia Hutchinson

This morning was a great example of why I should never open my e-mail before doing my quiet time and journaling. I spent half of the night (or at least it felt like it) pondering my post of yesterday along with a book i just finished reading. There was a seriously fabulous post rattling around in my brain. For some ridiculous reason, however, I chose to open my mail before journaling and now my head is filled with other stuff.

I received two chuckles from friends...a prayer request from a sister in need...an e-mail from a disgruntled co-worker...the new download of Grey's Anatomy...a great morning reading about "choice" and an update from a friend who is sheepishly leaving today for a Mediterranean cruise. Throw into the mix that my son is having minor surgery this a.m. and papers to grade for Monday and guess what...the 'fabulous post' must wait until later.

Hopefully I will find a little time today to put the 'screen back on my window' so not quite so many 'bugs' fly through!

photo by permission from j.d. stevens

Simmering

The mind is so complicated. A memory returns in a flash and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in that remembered moment your heart was pierced deeply and the wound is still healing decades later. Sometimes the healing does hurt more than the original wound.

anger simmers like a pot on the stove; threatening to explode while silent and steaming.

turn up the heat just a bit and you will be burned, so steer clear and gently tilt the lid letting the pot release some pressure.

still the anger simmers; ready to bubble over and make a mess. so, you inch away but not before inhaling the aroma of contempt and blame.

you believe you have made the mess. if the pot explodes it will be your fault; and so, you control the temperature as best you can with your tiny hands.

hands thrust inside too big oven mitts that swallow them like boxing gloves. as time goes by your hands will grow into them, but they will always feel clumsy.

never allowed to take a healthy swing, you punch the air like windmills spinning in the wind.

the circle continues on. the steam releases ever so slightly, but still the anger simmers like a pot on the stove.

photo from here

Renewed Awareness

"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions" Natasha Bedingfield

In just the last couple of years I have become more conscious of the seasons of the earth and life along with listening to my own rhythm as well as that of the world. This fall season has brought renewed awareness of my feminine self. (On the surface it feels "new", however, my soul tells me it is more of an awakening thus the need to use the word "renewed.)

I have also spoken of my connection with the sun as well as dream work and collage. For a few weeks now I have been thinking of a poem I wrote last fall during my first experience of working with collage. Today I revisited that poem and noticed that the "season" was nearly an identical time frame to this year's "work."

Coincidence? Synchronicity? The rhythms of life? Who can say, all I know is that something powerful is at work!

Here is my poem from last fall:

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Feminine World

I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.
I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the fire of the world, burning with desire and hope.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.

I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the luscious berry, bursting with flavor.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.
I am the soul of the world, centered through pain, beauty, touch and taste.

I am the luscious berry.
I am the fire of the world.
I am the soul of the world.
I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.

photo by maryjane hughlett

Apatheia or Apathy?

Yesterday Tess at Anchors and Masts wrote a post in response to my recent writings about “The Battle”--here and here. Her perspective caught me a bit off guard as she interpreted that I was speaking of internal battle. My recent experience, however, has felt more like one coming from outside of me rather than the inner battle with which I am quite familiar. (Her post gives a great picture of why and how we often choose to “backslide”…and I do believe it is a choice—conscious or not…so I highly recommend popping over there for a read.)

A very perceptive friend sent me these words which articulate well where I feel I have been recently:

“It sounds like you suffer from the classic case of ‘a threat to evil’ disease! It normally seems to come after a tremendously blessed event where souls are set free from ‘disease’ and you are involved in that healing process. It’s as though all their diseases ball up and pounce on You.!”

I have definitely felt “pounced upon”, so this leaves me wondering if
there is a difference between when we are standing in the gap or battling for others and/or trying to stand firm (i.e. not backslide) for ourselves?

And then there is this new question of “How much attention should we pay to evil?” Gerald May in his book Will and Spirit says: “when encountering an evil inclination or a questionable force, the most ideal form of spiritual assertiveness is: the best response is no response.” He goes on to mention the term apatheia which the Desert Fathers recommended to prevent showing fascination and undue self-importance to the “questionable force.” Apatheia is a term from Stoic philosophy that means something quite different and far more interesting than apathy (mental laziness). It is a conscious not-caring about things that are unworthy of concern.

So, how much concern toward evil is too much? I kind of like this idea of a “conscious not-caring”. It feels much stronger than denial or apathy.

For today, I think I will leave it at that for I have little more time or space to continue. Please understand, however, it’s not that I don’t care ☺. What do you think?

photo by h3images

Consider this...

"Do you suppose that if a wound goes real deep, the healing of it might hurt as bad as what caused it?"

~~Percy in The Spitfire Grill