Lucy or Charlie Brown? Tigger or Pooh? You get to choose.

by Kayce Stevens Hughlett

Life can be really challenging, don’t you think? It seems to me like we’re always seeking balance and fighting labels. We’re either Eeyore or Tigger. Lucy or Charlie Brown. Happy or Sad. Brave or Bitchy. The truth is that it’s not really about either/or, but rather our capacity to live with both/and. I ponder this a lot. I spent the majority of my life being a conforming, good girl and I was miserable. Now I practice being a fun-loving rebel and doing what comes more naturally to me and people slough it off as “too easy” or "superficial" because I’m happy and positive.

Recently someone I've known since high school said to me: “Kayce, you have a gift from God for creativity. The world could use more positive thinking people.” My response? “Why thank you, friend. Believe me, I had to go through a whole lot of you-know-what before I discovered that positivity was my CHOICE.”

I adore being positive. It makes life much more pleasant, but days can still be excruciating and people really piss me off sometimes. Yep. They do. I'm positive, but I still get angry or hurt or sad. Usually it comes out of some misunderstanding and I know it’s often my own story bumping up against theirs, but seriously people… do you think this life I’ve built has come easily? Has yours?

Now I don’t want to go all-ballistic on the younger generation or new coaches or entrepreneurs or other women or anyone who doesn’t seem to understand, but please let me be clear: I have worked damned hard to get this “dream” life!

Some people seem to be under the impression that things are always easy for me because I love life. I’ve met people who casually say, “Oh, you’re the one who likes to travel so you started planning trips to get paid.” They make it sound so easy, like anyone could do it. What my business partner and friend, Sharon Richards, and I have created is an art form, not an all-expenses-paid-easy-peasy-trip. We didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Let’s take people to Paris, because it will be fun.” We lived and breathed these experiences for years before we created the trips we’d want to go on and offered them to the world.

I spent years (say 40 or more) being responsible and doing what other people thought was best for me… or what I thought other people thought was best for me… I was too afraid to ask or rock the boat. I did all the good girl things like become an accountant, find a good job, get married, go to church, and raise a family. When the sh*t hit the fan in my personal world, I decided something drastic needed to happen because ‘safe and responsible’ wasn’t working.

I went to graduate school at 48 years old. I learned about therapy, both personally and professionally. I experienced a crisis of faith. I got a passport for the first time. I ventured away from my traditional values. My creativity was awakened alongside my spirituality. I became a therapist and a spiritual director. I volunteered hundreds of hours facilitating personal growth groups. I trained graduate students. I built a private practice. I designed and created workshops that no one came to. I went to other people’s trainings. I learned what I liked and disliked. I collaborated and learned from mentors. I completed Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” and Christine Valters Paintner and Betsey Beckman’s “Awakening the Creative Spirit” – twice.

I trained as a yoga instructor and learned to drum. I became a SoulCollage© facilitator. I joined writing groups and got a certificate in memoir writing from the University of Washington. I started blogging before most people had heard of blogs.

I wrote. I walked thousands of miles. I went to Paris by myself. I went back again… and again. I rode a camel in Egypt and danced with monks in Ireland. I trained with Gail Larsen and learned to speak in front of people. I spent a year becoming a certified life coach. I earned and still maintain a license as a mental health counselor. I go on pilgrimage. I self-published my first book and endured the excruciating process to find a publisher for my second—a novel coming out in September 2015. I have two more manuscripts in the works. I raised my not-so-easy family and became a grandmother. And this is the stuff I can document. Don’t get me started on the intangibles of all these experiences … the thousands of hours I spent pondering why things were so hard and how I'd failed and what I was supposed to be learning from all the pain in my life.

Now… please listen carefully, because this is very important. I am merely stating facts. This is not bragging or whining. This is truth. I have worked my tail off and I have cried buckets of tears while coming to adore this DREAM life. I am grateful beyond measure for every step of the way. AND… I didn’t simply wake up one day and say, “I think I’ll take people to Paris because it will be fun.”

Bottom line: we are complex individuals. We are neither Tigger nor Eeyore. We don’t always wake up happy or sad. We are living, breathing and, hopefully, learning individuals. Life is fantastic if we choose to believe that’s true. The alternative isn't nearly as enjoyable.

We always have a choice. That's what I learned the hard way. I hope it will be easier for you.

~~~

Thank you for listening. I wrote the essence of this awhile back on Facebook. I felt it needed to be honored here in the space I started anonymously nearly ten years ago.

I’m happy. I’m grateful. I’m conflicted at times. How are you? 

Comments

[Dianna]

Funny, I'm happy and grateful too and less conflicted/constricted:) all the time. This is a great post! xoxo

[Kayce S Hughlett]

Happy to share the love and gratitude with you, Dianna!! xoxo