whispers

how do you photograph a star in the dark night?
how can you capture the wind?
where does day end and night begin?
how do you hold the hand of a long lost friend?

god whispers the answers when we are still enough to listen--
calm enough to hear.

photo by bill

A Knight's Journey

"it takes courage to become who you truly are." e.e. cummings

Yesterday I had the privilege of joining in the celebration as seven amazing and brave men completed their first Soltura workshop, The Knight's Dilemma. I am forever blessed by this beautiful experience.

The energy in the room was palpable. Laughter. Tears. Words of power and clarity filled the air. Humility. Wonder. Delight. Grown men’s faces transformed into tender little boys. Gratitude reigned. Awe. Thankfulness. I am not sure I have ever felt so ultimately received by a group of “strangers”—strangers that I was uniquely and individually connected to through their extended friends and family.

My heart filled with joy and I found myself speechless for words that would not come. It was energy. Pure energy. I did not suffer from stage fright or self-consciousness. I felt fully me. Accepted. Welcomed in love and it occurred to me that this is the ultimate hope for the world. For as these men were able to wholly embrace themselves; they were able to more fully extend their love and graciousness toward others.

They fought long, hard and well. They surprised themselves and challenged the facilitators at every turn. They were gracious, frustrating, lovable, eclectic, and endearing. It was such an honor to step in and witness their transformation. Belly laughs bursting to life. Heads held higher and words spoken with more clarity. Humility and love shining from their faces. Beautiful, wonderful, unique men. All so different yet all the same. Seeking what they had forgotten & resolving or at least understanding a little better the battles inside that keep them from living freely.

Today is a new day and these seven Knights will march forward with their armor much shinier and less rusted than it was only a few days ago. I stand in awe of their bravery and courage to seek something better for themselves and consequently the world in which they live.

Bravo, Gentlemen! Well done!

(stock photo)

Joyful Work?

Recently as I read a friend’s words discussing the struggle of living a contem-
plative life versus one of more perceived compassion toward the world, I found myself getting anxious that I do not do enough to help the world, the poor, the marginalized. As I read on, tears came to my eyes when I sensed God speaking directly to me saying, "Don't you see how your gifts extend into the world, so that others may find their way?"

Words such as these can be hard for me to receive. While I have never understood much about asceticism per se, I have a sense (for myself) that if it feels too good (i.e. if I find joy in my work), then there must be something wrong. I see myself as not working hard enough or doing the "right" things. These are long-ingrained messages that I have only recently started to challenge.

I LOVE the "work" (and it is difficult to even use that word) I do with Soltura and at Mars Hill. My heart fills as I see men and women come to have more self-awareness, compassion for themselves and begin to understand what truly brings them alive in the world.

The psalmist said, "Harden not your hearts,” and it is when my heart is open that I see change happen in my world. Can I be satisfied with changing the world the way I am best equipped or must I be a woman doing big, radical, self-sacrificial things to be effective?

And so my challenge, and question perhaps, is can I allow myself to do the work that brings me joy without feeling that I must embody suffering along the way?

A wise man prompted me to remember one of my favorite quotes and suggested perhaps that is where I am already living. Hmm. Guess I'll keep pondering ☺.

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." --Frederick Buechner on vocation

Where does your deep gladness meet the world’s deep hunger?

photos by lucy

Season's Rhythm

My daily life has a new rhythm and I am not sure what I think about it. The biggest change is that I have enrolled in adventure boot camp for the next four weeks. As I sit here at day four, finding new muscles each time I move, I wonder what I am doing. My body screams pain right now, but in the early morning (Camp begins at 5:30 a.m.) I begin to feel new strength, endurance and vitality as I push through bicep curls and obstacle courses. It is a surreal experience as we gather in the dark and fog, do our thing and return home before sunrise.

I am exhausted and exhilarated all at the same time. I find, however, that my brain is not so engaged once I return home to try and read or write as I normally do in the morning. It is hard to think of God when muscles beg to be the center of attention. I have thought a bit about the Ascetics, particularly those who practice self-mortification. In my current state it really seems counterintuitive that bringing more pain to the body could bring you closer to God. It certainly removes thoughts about the rest of the world, but as I said earlier, I find it difficult to settle in and rest with God when my body yells, “take care of me.” I realize, of course, that a strenuous exercise program is not necessarily the same as a strict ascetic practice, but once the blood does flow back into my brain, I can’t help but ponder thoughts such as these.

Today, however, as I returned from taking my children to their respective schools I was compell-
ingly drawn toward the aesthetic beauty of the sunflowers pictured here. They gleamed with their brilliance from a neighborhood community garden. As I looked more closely, I saw that some had started to bow their heads as if in prayer while others lifted their faces toward the sun. Their rhythm was a reminder to me of my own rhythm…this new place I find myself as fall enters in with new work, school schedules and, of course, adventure boot camp. Will I raise my face toward the sun or gently bow my head and rest?

What are your rhythms as the seasons begin to change? Are you drawn to ascetic or aesthetic thoughts? Eugene Peterson speaks of the ascetic and aesthetic movements as being the “no and the yes that work together at the heart of spiritual theology.” I’d love to read your comments on this post.

photos by lucy

Regeneration

tears weeping
shoulders stooping
time to sleep
time to rest

shedding the shouldered burden
fading into compost
feeding the garden of life
regeneration & rejuvenation

weeping
stooping
melting
resting

tired of holding face to sun
departing for a season
may others carry brightness now
regeneration & rejuvenation

inspired by christine's poetry party.