what is my work?

Much of my ponderings these days is around “what is my work?” What am I called here to do? “Here” being the world of my space and time. I am uniquely created just as each of us is. A few weeks ago I had my first birth chart reading done by an astrologist. (I can almost here the audible gasps from some of my more conservative readers ☺, but I hope you will hang in here with me. This is part of my unique journey…to test, to ponder, to find my own path by pushing the boundaries of convention and be able to proudly say, “Sorry if you disagree, but this is Me. Take me or leave me”. Again...I hope you will choose to stay.)

As I write this morning, I realize this is why I have not stepped into this territory. It feels like there is so much to be covered…explained even…because I still live with so much desire of not wanting to be misunderstood (particularly by those I love.) And so it feels as though this post will take a slight turn from where I started with my ponderings of “what is my work?”

The birth chart reading was not done by Madame X in a heavily veiled, candle lit room with a crystal ball. It was instead done in a bland office park by an average looking middle-aged man with a theology degree from Notre Dame and a masters in marriage and family therapy from Seattle Pacific University. I had scheduled my appointment only two days before, otherwise, I might have been suspicious he had hired a group of detectives to research my background to come up with the information he related to me.

It was both confirming and a little freaky as he spoke key words that I have used for my life and other phrases that resonated deeply with me. It was like reading or hearing a passage of scripture and having it speak deeply to my heart. Abbey of the Arts had an excellent post last week on “Landscapes, Maps and Pilgrimages”. She articulates beautifully my experience as she speaks of her own birth chart reading:

“I accepted for the fun of it but was surprised by the complexity and beauty of what the reading offered to me in terms of understanding my own longings and the directions I felt called to go. Suddenly I imagined a God vast enough to have offered these archetypal symbols to me at the moment of my birth as one possible map, as guidance from one much wiser than myself. Astrology is not about your life being pre-determined, but a template that provides an invitation to go to the places that nurture your soul most deeply. “

And so I circle back around to the longings of my heart and the directions I may choose to go. My life is abundantly paradoxical. For example, I desire to live life fully engaged with the world AND I cherish my solitude. I have cried rivers of tears and am willing to enter the darkness of my soul AND I am one of the most joy-filled people I know ☺. I know God and God knows me AND I must continue to press on to see who God is and who I am. I need to share my gifts with the world AND I am called to rest and be still.

And those words are just the tip of the iceberg ☺. So, if you have hung in here with me through this longer-than-normal post, thank you. I shall end with a few words from my morning ponderings with more thoughts left for another day.

what is my work?
what can I do?
how do I create a picture of a thousand words?
how do I put onto paper what no one before me has done?
how do I what?
bless this space—my hearth—my home
how do I live here? now?
being present to the life I have
feeling my home. tending my hearth.
bless this space.
this place of beauty.

Blessings to you and your space today. I would love to know what this post has stirred in you.

lucy's photos from bermuda

ebb and flow

It is early morning. I have been up for over two hours and it is just past 7:00 a.m. Why am I up? Dreams, thoughts, feelings flow through my being. The past couple of days have been punctuated by a sense of contentment, but today I feel my old nature pressing in and saying, “Do something. You can’t just sit around being content!” And so the tides of life continue to ebb and flow.

Awhile back I wrote about dabbling versus mastery as I encountered the lovely blue jays in my path. This morning as I read a journal from four years ago, I noticed that the answers for which I was searching were right in front of me. Just this week, I communicated with two friends about their own messages being right there for them, too. One showed up in music they had written over the years. The other in art purchased without any "known" rhyme or reason. And so it is that I believe the answers are often right before our very eyes. Sometimes we are open to seeing them and other times we are not. And sometimes it is just not the right time to see.

Still I ponder where is the balance between hyper-focusing and/or just waiting for things to happen. What is my responsibility to move things along and/or when do I just need to get out of the way? Am I willing to risk appearing foolish or (gasp) failure by putting myself out there? Or will I be like my encouraging creative friend who says we must celebrate the rejection letters, because that means we made one more step toward our art?

So, the question for me today is what am I willing to risk? Time? Energy? Ego? Failure? If my dream is to share my gifts* with the world, how can I move toward the fulfillment of that dream if I sequester myself behind a wall of fear?

How about you? What are you willing to risk today? What holds you back from exploring or expanding your dreams? Are there small steps that could get you going? Is your tide ebbing or flowing right now?

*Defining my “gifts” is another roadblock, for sure…and definitely the topic of another post ☺.

photo from yelapa, mexico by h3images

a couple of things...

first, i would like to apologize for my lack of participation with the many wonderful sites i try to visit on a regular basis and leave comments. time seems to be both flying by at an unusually rapid rate lately, while also seemingly standing still at other times. both phenomena, nevertheless, have contributed to keeping me somewhat quiet on the blogging front--both my own and others (which is the point of this ramble.) i so appreciate all of you who stop by to read (even though i only know who a very few of you are) and i am slowly catching up on my reading of the wonderful things many of you have to offer.

second, i must say that i have already had a fabulous weekend and it's only friday evening. i left early yesterday morning to make the trek across the state of washington from seattle to walla walla (approximately 275 miles.) i was delivering some of my favorite photographer's work to the carnegie art center where three pieces have been accepted into their juried art show. hurray for h3!!! i had a delightful drive during which time i listened to three great podcasts from "Speaking of Faith" with Krista Tippett and lots and lots of music of MY choice (not something i always do when others of less discriminating taste are in the car with me.)

the bonus of the trip was getting to spend time with the fabulous sunrise sister, the self-proclaimed curmudgeon, country parson and the always entertaining riley. who could ask for more?

although i did not ask for more that is just what i got on my return trip home. about 100 miles out from seattle, i opted to put the top down on my little convertible, crank up the tunes and cruise the rest of the way in. the music was fabulous and ranged from the profound to the peppy and even a little profane. glorious all around! i did choose to turn off the tunes as i came across snoqualmie pass where i listened to the silence of the great mountain sprinkled with periodic waterfalls and the rushing of the wind while perfectly blue skies danced above my head. absolutely fabulous!! my only regret (and it is a small one indeed) is that there was no place to pull over with my camera to capture the beauty of the drive. hopefully, these few words will pull the images back into my mind and the rest of you will just have to use your own imagination.

o.k. that's it for now. i hope you have a fabulous weekend too! thanks for stopping by.

photo "fishing in yelapa" by h3 images (one of the selections for the art show)

fragile dreams

what is it about dream sharing that is so fragile? pondering some of the comments to my post, when dreams and reality collide, many thoughts ran through my head.

it feels so naked and exposed to put my dreams out into the world. it feels so presumptuous to consider some of them could possibly come true. even now as I write, I find myself holding back from sharing specifics. so I ask again, what is it about dream sharing that is so fragile? are we afraid of failure or are we afraid of success?

yesterday while driving to hood canal for a delightful afternoon with a dear friend, I found myself behind a huge red Ford pickup truck from Alaska. On its bumper was a banner that read,

“those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours.”

so I wonder, is it the discouragement of others I fear or is it my own resolve that if I state a dream out loud, one of two things will happen…1) the dream will seem ridiculously foolish or 2) I will now be “on the hook” and have to do something to make it happen--opening possibility for either success or failure. scary!

it seems that my most incredible dream fulfillment has come with surprise. in other words, it was not something planned. for example, 'I never dreamed I would go to graduate school', but when the “calling” came, I followed it and found myself experiencing a “dream come true.” wild, huh? it was a similar experience I relayed in Wednesday’s post. I never considered that writing and leading a couples’ workshop would be fulfilling a dream, but there I sat, at the end of the workshop, absorbing the experience and knowing something unexpected had played a part in making my heart a little more whole and full.

so is that what dreams are about? moving toward our heart’s desire? maybe that’s why dream sharing is so fragile, because it is a heart thing. hmmm…is sharing our heart the same as sharing our dreams?

I think I’ll ponder that one a bit more. how about you? what stirs when you think of dream sharing?

starfish - hood canal

a little space

Come near, that no more blinded by man's fate,
I find under the boughs of love and hate,
In all poor foolish things that live a day,
Eternal beauty wandering her way.

Come near, come near, come near--Ah, leave me still
A little space for the rose-breath to fill!

--William Butler Yeats

the sun is shining
the fog is lifting
words of beauty speak again
my eyes have opened
my heart is grateful
friends have drawn near &
still left me space for breath to fill.

blessings to all who read here today. peace.