Brain Washed - part deux

As I look at the list of things I’d like to remember, there is a theme that runs through my memory beginning with the sun on my skin and ending with the weight of heartache. Warmth is the word that comes to mind…and Sensual.

I am a sensual being. I cannot live – truly live – (nor would I care too) without the memory of my senses – the sun on my skin, the hot breath of my old Golden Retriever, the cozy comfort of a warm bed when the nip of winter pricks at my nose.

I am a being who loves to spread her arms – her angel’s wings – wide open, embracing and welcoming adventure and creativity. Near the top of my list is my trilogy of pilgrimages – Paris, Ireland, Egypt. Each came wrapped in its own shimmering tissue paper, waiting to unfold with unique footsteps along my path.

Who knew I was a woman craving warmth? Is that what passion evokes in me? Heat? The feel of the desert air upon my Pacific Northwest skin. The allure of Parisian cafes and language dripping in romance. The warmth of a pint of Guinness sipped from a frothy mug in a cozy tavern surrounded by laughter and friends.

Heat draws me forth and pushes me outside myself. It beckons me toward the core of my being which is hot as fire. A shimmering star. Fully me – laughing and shining. Can warmth get any broader than that?

Heat draws me forth and pushes me out. The blood rising in my chest and pumping at rapid speed through my veins while standing in the open door of an airplane at 10,000 feet. “Do or die,” my heart says. I feel the breeze on my skin, whoosh of air rushing at the speed which keeps an airplane afloat. My senses expand and it’s time to trust. “Bend like a banana,” says my hunkie angel and the blood rushes from my face as we free-fall in the autumn air. All senses are alert. The arms of God are holding me now. The taste of fear has left my mouth. The whoosh is all I hear. My skin is brushed with evening sunlight and my eyes take in the Washington panorama with rapid-speed slow motion. I am a sensual woman.

What of the other things on my list? Humidity and heartache. Sand and sea. Parenting and pendulum. My list is made of senses and experiences, not necessarily people and places. Hmmmm. I am not a collector of things – not a material girl as Madonna might suggest. I love experience. I love heat. I am not afraid to walk into fire. These are the things I can write about, because I have been present to them. I’ve shown up for my life – not always, for sure – but perhaps that is why the experiences are so important to remember. Perhaps that is my legacy. I want them written down, because I don’t want to forget. That was the prompt after all, wasn’t it? Your memory will be erased in 5 minutes. So, if I remember…

the sun on my skin then I will always know what it is to be warm. If I remember the kiss of my husband, the hugs of my children and my sister’s unconditional love, then they will be with me always. To remember the Sinai desert is to speak of clarity and timelessness. Paris offers rhythm and independence. Ireland teaches me what it is to heal. The ineffable moments speak of a power greater than I – shall I call this God, Universe, or something more?

Curry’s breath and Aslan’s purr show me the wisdom of being in the moment and the power to simply Be. Knowing my truth lets me rest in that being, if only for nana-seconds that speak of an all-knowing One. The drop of the skydive shows me that fear can be faced and turned into exhilarating joy and power. The ocean on my skin, sand in my toes and Bermuda blue offer tranquility and calm with just a touch of unsurety.

Humidity in Oklahoma, mosquito bites and climbing Mt. Sinai, all share a measure of pain, but without that pain I would not be who I am today. And, speaking of pain comes with the reality of childbirth and the heartache of parenting – the arrest of a child, the separation from a soul mate.

My coffers are full and the pendulum swings from joy to sorrow and back again. Light turns to darkness. Fear turns to self-love. The senses wrap me in life. If this is what I could remember, it would be enough – more than enough.

So, have you made your own list yet? Quick... your memory will be erased in five minutes, what will you choose to remember?

soulcollage cards ©ksh

Feast Day of St. Brigid

Please join me today in celebrating St. Brigid - famous for her hospitality and celebrating the ordinary. I love this woman!!!

"Healing God, come to our hidden corners,
remove the stone and grit we cling to,
that prevent the water of life flowing free."
--Prayer from Solas Bhride, Kildare.

Jan Richardson offers a beautiful and detailed description of this incredible woman. I invite you to read more here. Thank you, Jan!

photo @ St. Brigid's well, Kildare, 10.09

alchemy

alchemy… concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir

Something in this new year leads me to believe I should consider myself a “base metal” or raw materials, if you prefer. Hmmm. Will I be turned into gold? Or perhaps discover a universal elixir? I wonder what it would elix? ☺

This year’s introduction to alchemy came in a reader comment from Pollinatrix as I wrestled with letting go of my 2009 word, Fire, while welcoming Water into 2010:

“In alchemy, fire mixed with water transforms to create spiritual power. In fact, the marriage of fire and water is thought to produce Air.”

Next, I ran across an ancient myth about a sun-scorched eagle dipping itself into clear water. "(The myth) hints of resurrection, but also hints of alchemy. The fire of the sun and the clear water are opposite elements brought into harmony in a manner that elicits change.”*

There have also been other ‘hints’ that this will be a year of alchemy including the elements of fire and water. In honor of the theme, I created the shown SoulCollage® card to help ponder this marriage. I've also decided it might be time for a re-read of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist.

I don’t know about you, but signs are popping up everywhere in regard to my word for the year. Today, I add alchemy as a secondary word to ponder for awhile. If you haven’t chosen a word yet, I highly recommend it. It’s a fascinating way to explore new horizons!!

*quote from Animal Speak

Letting Go - Ritual

Ritual Saturday. A walk to the beach to celebrate letting go of vestiges of 2009, and to unite fire and water. My heart says to let go with fire (not of it), knowing that fire and water will both work to purify me in the coming year.

I begin today’s journey at the top of 300 stairs. Each step down a reminder to let go, until I finally reach the beach. It is windy and cold – not quite deserted. My first moments, I find sea glass – a rarity on this stretch of sand.

A small sailboat races across the Sound. “You are the boat. Life is the sea.” The sails are at full tilt. Shall I move head first into the year? A giant piece of ancient roots sits like a sentinel in the sand. It is the focus of my attention – grounded and solid.

Continuing down the beach, I seek a fire pit to burn my list of good-bye’s. I know my matches will not take hold in this mighty wind. My lone fire will not be enough. How can I burn my list? I need fire to let go. Spying a family gathered around a flame, I understand I can ask for help. I don’t have to do everything alone. Fire is meant to be shared. Someone else can help warm me.

“May I feed your fire?”

“Of course,” they respond. And so I drop my list of good-byes into the pit. It doesn’t light at first. I feel silly for a moment – old judgments stir inside my gut. The man tells me it is an “inherited” fire, left by someone who came to burn a Christmas tree. The flame is being passed. My list crinkles at the edges, bursts into flame and then it is gone – just like that. I thank them. They thank me and I realize how deeply we have shared without full explanation or many words at all.

As I walk away, there is a tugging in my heart. Did I expect to feel lighter? I have let go and now I feel a little shaky and not sure what to do next. So, I head back toward the stairs, but first I must pass through the tunnel under the railroad tracks – retracing my steps. My shakiness dissipates as I witness what is before me in mosaic-form– fire and water together. It is a sign to me that I don’t have to give up one to receive the other. I can have them both.

But, just in case my thick head won’t remember and forgets too quickly, there is another gift on the wall. “May your soul always be on fire.” I am overwhelmed by the welcoming of the Universe – God surrounding me. I am the boat and life is the sea. We are in this together.

One foot in front of the other, I begin the climb back up the steps. Step. Receive. Breathe. Step. Receive. Breathe. Upward and onward into the year. Fire inside. Moist air surrounding. Solid ground beneath my feet.

all photos taken Saturday, January 2, 2010 © lucy

On track or off?

Following my statement last night to Sunrise Sister’s post where I proclaimed myself as having thrown away my day planner, I found myself this morning in great need of a list. For the first time in weeks, I have the luxury of some much needed spaciousness in my life. For the next few days, there is little on my calendar, but LOTS in my mind that wants to happen. My head was beginning to hurt and my stomach spin with all of the possibilities before me – so much that I found myself nearly immobilized. Thus “the list.”

Armed with list nearby, I started on my merry way until nature called and I made a pit stop in the bathroom. There I picked up a book on guided meditations and explorations so I could look for an appropriate reading for next week’s Deepening Your Spirituality group I am co-facilitating at Seattle’s Recovery Café (a place I hope to share with you in the near future.) While I am not certain whether I found the reading for the group, this one jumped out of the book and said, “READ ME.”

Consequently, I have already ventured off of my list and instead of writing about Noble Silence (another topic I hope to return to soon), I am sharing this quote that came under the topic of “What was your face before you were born? He asked.”

When the heart bursts into flame
history completely disappears
and lightning strikes the ocean
in each cell.

There, before origins,
when the double helix
is struck like a tuning fork
there is a hum
on which the universe is strung.

My word for the year has been Fire and as this calendar year nears its end, I have found the theme of Water rising in my consciousness. Given those two things and the recent discussions here and elsewhere on synchronicity and thin places, I could not resist taking a moment to stop and post this. So…does this detour make me on track or off? Or does it really matter? Can you feel the hum on which the universe is strung?

P.S. Upon a little further exploration, I find that the "double helix" looks amazingly like the swirl I have worn around my neck for a few years which mimics the ancient symbols I encountered in Ireland AND looks surprisingly like the Source card I created a few days ago. I swear I didn't know what a double helix was until this verse jumped out and said, "READ ME." Oh my, I think I need some fresh air!!
"swirls" on celtic cross at castledermot 10.23.09 ireland ©lucy
"fire in water" glendolough stream 10.09 ©lucy
"entrance to new grange" 5000 year old tomb 10.09 ©lucy