Fire Revisited

We have passed the midway point of 2009. The summer solstice has come and gone. Days are already shortening even though they still feel long and luxurious. And, Kate I has reminded me it’s a good time to reflect on my word for the year – FIRE.

Fire. Being the 4th of July in the US, what better day to reflect on this word? The sound of firecrackers has been punctuating the air for days already and the culmination will come tonight with the blasting fireworks that won’t be seen until well after 10:00 p.m. It is my hope to be near sleep by then since we have a very early morning flight tomorrow. Off on vacation. Yippee!!

But I digress. Fire. Fire has been a well-chosen word for me this year. I have pondered its warmth and its ability to be destructive. My nature can be one of nurturing and tending others, but sparks can also fly when I feel scared or threatened. I have considered what it is like to be fire when the one I am closest to connects most deeply with smooth calm sands of earth. How shall the two comfortably meet? Must the fireworks blaze out and descend to the ground? Is it necessary for a storm to brew to send the sand of earth flying to meet the sky? Will wind prevail and both fire and earth disappear? Or can a fire be nestled into the hollowed out sand of a beach where peace and joy reside? The answers, of course, are not simple. Neither am I singularly elemental - only fire.

Fire has showed up in beautiful and surprising reminders throughout the year. Metaphors abound in my life and I hope I have been present to at least a few of them. There have been times when I could only see the death and destruction of fire. And, then there are those sweet moments when I feel as though I have flown into the sky and exploded into brilliant bursts of color and life. Fire has met me in my contemplative time; in my play time; in times of passion, growth and, yes, even destruction.

Reflecting on fire today…this midpoint in the year…this day of independence…I think I have to say, Fire has been an excellent choice of words for me this year. We shall see what the remainder of 2009 has to offer.

If there are others of you who selected a word for the year, what do you think? How does this midway point find you engaging (or not) with your word?

fireworks by h3images
my happy place by lucy

the place in between

During this week leading up to Palm Sunday, I find myself surrounded by “the place in between.” Not dead, but not resurrected. Knowing, but encircled by mystery. Springtime – no longer winter, but the warmth of summer has not arrived. Hints of blossoming yet death still lies in my flowerbeds. Mourning a leaving and excited for new possibilities. Ending time with students – done, but not done. Living with a teenager – no longer a child and the adult has not yet emerged. Mid-life. Need I say more?

“I try to take on one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.” Jennifer Unlimited – Hazelden

and my daily dose of Merton:

“O tongue of flame
Under the heart
Speak softly:
For love is black
Says the season.

Midnight!
Kissed with flame!
See! See!
My love is darkness!”

Would love to hear your thoughts on the place in between!

more pondering...

"We are warmed by fire, not by the smoke of fire.

We are carried over the sea by a ship, not by the wake of a ship.

So, too, what we are is to be sought in the invisible depths of our own being,
not in our outward reflection in our own acts."

--Thomas Merton

Smoke or fire? Wake or ship? Focusing on the outer appearances using smoke & mirrors? Or reflecting in the invisible depths? Where do you find yourself today?

lenten fire

Simmering around the edges, I am reminded often of the fire in my belly that wants to dominate this season of my life. Jan Richardson’s post spoke to me this morning as she wrote of the path where our humanity and the divine meet in fullness. New decisions face me daily which is very exciting…and a little scary ☺.

The image of fire burns like a slow ember at times and then it seems to burst into full flame. This happened to me this morning as I was pondering the path of which Richardson speaks. It came in the reading of one of my favorite bloggers, Barbara at Barefoot toward the Light. I hope you will check out both of these posts, but for now I share my fire with you.

There is nothing to be found,
even if I search.
There is nothing to do but
to warm myself on my own.
There is nothing to do
but to burn my own body
and light the place around me.

--Jukichi Yagi (1898-1927)

So, what lights your fire? Do you consider where your path is leading? Have you claimed an intention for the year? The season? The day? Whatever it is, I hope you will feel the warmth of your own light. If that’s not possible right now, I hope you will warm yourself here. ☺

photo from paris 3.08

interview continued

A few days ago, I participated in an online interview. In the comment section, Christine from Abbey of the Arts posed the following question. So, here is my response for all the world to see...

If you could snap your fingers and have the life you dream of, what would be its elements and how does it differ from how you live now? What are the roadblocks? I know you live very authentically, but am wondering what some of those deeper desires being kindled are.

You know, Christine, there has been something inside of me since I was a very little girl – before the hurt of life entered in – before I started to doubt and limit myself – before I started to live the life that I thought others expected of me – when I knew and believed that I would be a star. A big brilliant shining gleaming capital S – Star! Sometimes the star looked like Miss America receiving her banner and crown. Other times, the star was Cinderella being whisked away by Prince Charming. (The older me envisions myself chatting with Oprah.) Even deeper, however, was this knowledge that I had something really big to offer the world. I believed that the world needed and wanted to hear what I have to say.

Those desires got buried beneath the façade of a shy little girl. They went further underground as I bought into other people’s ideas of what success means. Success is getting married, so I went down that road at 19 (not so successfully). Success is having a career where you can get a well-paying job – I became an accountant (definitely not my passion, but the pay was good and steady.). Success is living the American dream with the two-story traditional house, a couple of kids, the mini-van and the golden retriever. I have had them all and they wonderfully fit into my personal description of success, because they are deeply a part of me. However…somewhere deep inside is still that desire and knowledge that I have something important to offer the world in a really big way.

So, what are the roadblocks? Time, maybe. Opportunity, possibly. Me, most likely. The problem is that I don’t really know what this offering might look like exactly. It feels like by living more authentically, I am doing just what I need to do…and it is right & true. More and more it feels like writing may be one avenue to my bigger voice. I also feel drawn, however, to personal connection with people and I have visions of being in front of large groups of people sharing what I have to say which happens to be exactly what they need to hear.

This all may sound a little crazy, especially for a woman who has crossed the half century mark of her life. This is the year of FIRE, however, so who knows what the little pieces of kindling are that I am laying on the altar of life. All I have to say is when they take hold and light up, Watch out World!! ☺

Thanks for asking, C.

How about the rest of you? What deeper desires are being kindled in your heart?