fragile dreams

what is it about dream sharing that is so fragile? pondering some of the comments to my post, when dreams and reality collide, many thoughts ran through my head.

it feels so naked and exposed to put my dreams out into the world. it feels so presumptuous to consider some of them could possibly come true. even now as I write, I find myself holding back from sharing specifics. so I ask again, what is it about dream sharing that is so fragile? are we afraid of failure or are we afraid of success?

yesterday while driving to hood canal for a delightful afternoon with a dear friend, I found myself behind a huge red Ford pickup truck from Alaska. On its bumper was a banner that read,

“those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours.”

so I wonder, is it the discouragement of others I fear or is it my own resolve that if I state a dream out loud, one of two things will happen…1) the dream will seem ridiculously foolish or 2) I will now be “on the hook” and have to do something to make it happen--opening possibility for either success or failure. scary!

it seems that my most incredible dream fulfillment has come with surprise. in other words, it was not something planned. for example, 'I never dreamed I would go to graduate school', but when the “calling” came, I followed it and found myself experiencing a “dream come true.” wild, huh? it was a similar experience I relayed in Wednesday’s post. I never considered that writing and leading a couples’ workshop would be fulfilling a dream, but there I sat, at the end of the workshop, absorbing the experience and knowing something unexpected had played a part in making my heart a little more whole and full.

so is that what dreams are about? moving toward our heart’s desire? maybe that’s why dream sharing is so fragile, because it is a heart thing. hmmm…is sharing our heart the same as sharing our dreams?

I think I’ll ponder that one a bit more. how about you? what stirs when you think of dream sharing?

starfish - hood canal

where dreams & reality collide

“For it is in giving that we receive.” St. Francis of Assisi

wish lives. dream lives. what is next? what is past? there is so much to consider as I sit here this morning. last week my “wish” life collided with my real life and it took my breath away. in god's perfect way, it snuck up on me and I didn’t even realize what had happened until it was nearly over. how often is that the case in life?

last saturday night, I sat next to my dear husband in front of four couples who had just completed the first soltura couples’ workshop (that i had the privilege of co-writing and co-facilitating.) the couples snuggled. they glowed. they danced...hope filled their eyes. they had worked hard. they had discovered a “third way”. during the course of our four days together, they had indeed fled. they fought with each other, with themselves, with me. but in the end, they stayed. they were present. willing. open to possibility. it was miraculous to watch.

and what of my personal “collision” you might ask? as I addressed them for one official last time, tears filled my eyes and my heart welled with joy and gratitude. “thank you,” I said. “this is a dream come true for me.” even then I wondered from where did those words come? I sensed deeply that they were not just sentimental ramblings, but words that felt whole and true. it was not until the next morning as I was talking with another facilitator that I remembered the prophecy I received in the spring four years ago. in it were the words, “follow your dreams. find out what they are. do them with bill. save the families.” there was much more to that story, but even as I write this morning I realize that even now I am overcome by amazement at God’s grace and I feel the beauty and power of that collision of dream and reality.

I did not know I was on a path to dream fulfillment. I was just following my heart. the twists and turns were many. the road was long. the goal not even in sight. it snuck up on me and I didn’t even realize what had happened until it was nearly over. how often is that the case in life? ☺

what dreams are brewing for you today? will you be open, willing & present to see them? will you be open to the possibility of a new way?

may the god of grace be with you today. peace.

photo by h3images

Love Unrequited

Last night I dreamed that I was traveling. No surprise there, huh? I was trying to get back home and somehow I ended up on top of a semi-truck. I lowered myself from the top down into the cab where I encountered an amazingly kind driver. He promptly fell in love with me and while I was attracted to him, I kept my boundaries. We politely exchanged phone numbers and then he disappeared. In the dream, my heart continued to long for him. It was his kindness, I think, and the fact that he thought I was really special.

Upon awaking, I thought of this dream and a recent reader request came to mind where I was asked to consider the topic of “unrequited love.” I wondered if this longing was what my reader spoke of. The fairy tales of life. Beauty and the Beast. The story of Ragnelle. Cinderella…this list goes on. The longing for moments when we are truly known and seen through the eyes of another. Often there are no words spoken, it is just a heart “knowing.”

Can love ever be “requited”? What does that even mean? The dictionary defines requite as “making appropriate return for.” Clarity of love, denouement if you will, seems so fleeting. We can all point to times in a movie or story where the hero and heroine look into each others eyes and we see that they are in love, but it usually lasts so briefly. Such is the case with real life, too. I wonder...can we learn to carry those glimpses love with us inside to meet ourselves at our deepest need? Do we need another person in our life to feel that we are being met? While I believe that we are made for relationship, I see also that we often forget there are three principal kinds of relationship: 1) with others, 2) with God and 3) with self.

Relying solely on others only brings heartbreak, because being human brings failure along with it. God can satisfy if we allow ourselves to be open, but some would say even God was lonely and therefore created man. And then man was lonely, so woman was created. Then woman was lonely…A never ending cycle? Is it our curse to always be lonely? That is the paradox for in some regard, I am always alone AND if I believe in God, I am never alone.

Still, my dream showed me the longing. Even as I have strong self-esteem, a great connection with God, friends who love and support me as well as a husband who adores me, there is still the longing. Will love therefore always be “unrequited”? Or can we (must we, perhaps) choose to acknowledge those little moments of love with self, God, others and trust them to be enough? (Realizing that we may always long for more.)

Those moments of trust are strung together like pearls to form a necklace of love around our hearts. Individually they are precious, while hard to see at times. If we allow ourselves to string together the moments, we can see that we have been known. That we are known. Maybe your love is a single pearl ring. Or possibly still even in the oyster. A pearl starts with an irritant (usually a grain of sand) inside the oyster and just like a caterpillar must bump up against the cocoon to form strong wings, so the pearl mills around the irritant while it is being formed. In both cases (the pearl and the butterfly), it is from the struggle that beauty is born. It is my experience that nature does not lie. Is it in the struggle that love is requited?

Maybe I’m still dreaming or living in a fairy tale or out of my mind. Who knows? I would love to know your thoughts on longing and love—be it requited or not ☺ .

photo © geezer dude

Renewed Awareness

"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions" Natasha Bedingfield

In just the last couple of years I have become more conscious of the seasons of the earth and life along with listening to my own rhythm as well as that of the world. This fall season has brought renewed awareness of my feminine self. (On the surface it feels "new", however, my soul tells me it is more of an awakening thus the need to use the word "renewed.)

I have also spoken of my connection with the sun as well as dream work and collage. For a few weeks now I have been thinking of a poem I wrote last fall during my first experience of working with collage. Today I revisited that poem and noticed that the "season" was nearly an identical time frame to this year's "work."

Coincidence? Synchronicity? The rhythms of life? Who can say, all I know is that something powerful is at work!

Here is my poem from last fall:

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Feminine World

I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.
I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the fire of the world, burning with desire and hope.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.

I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the luscious berry, bursting with flavor.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.
I am the soul of the world, centered through pain, beauty, touch and taste.

I am the luscious berry.
I am the fire of the world.
I am the soul of the world.
I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.

photo by maryjane hughlett

Self Portrait

Dreams and collage are filling much space in my sleeping and waking hours. This self-portrait created itself on Saturday. For today I shall just share the image. I'd love to know what it evokes in you. I am discovering it has multiple, ever-changing layers of meaning for me! Kind of like life I guess ☺. Happy Monday!