Joyful Work?

Recently as I read a friend’s words discussing the struggle of living a contem-
plative life versus one of more perceived compassion toward the world, I found myself getting anxious that I do not do enough to help the world, the poor, the marginalized. As I read on, tears came to my eyes when I sensed God speaking directly to me saying, "Don't you see how your gifts extend into the world, so that others may find their way?"

Words such as these can be hard for me to receive. While I have never understood much about asceticism per se, I have a sense (for myself) that if it feels too good (i.e. if I find joy in my work), then there must be something wrong. I see myself as not working hard enough or doing the "right" things. These are long-ingrained messages that I have only recently started to challenge.

I LOVE the "work" (and it is difficult to even use that word) I do with Soltura and at Mars Hill. My heart fills as I see men and women come to have more self-awareness, compassion for themselves and begin to understand what truly brings them alive in the world.

The psalmist said, "Harden not your hearts,” and it is when my heart is open that I see change happen in my world. Can I be satisfied with changing the world the way I am best equipped or must I be a woman doing big, radical, self-sacrificial things to be effective?

And so my challenge, and question perhaps, is can I allow myself to do the work that brings me joy without feeling that I must embody suffering along the way?

A wise man prompted me to remember one of my favorite quotes and suggested perhaps that is where I am already living. Hmm. Guess I'll keep pondering ☺.

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." --Frederick Buechner on vocation

Where does your deep gladness meet the world’s deep hunger?

photos by lucy

Season's Rhythm

My daily life has a new rhythm and I am not sure what I think about it. The biggest change is that I have enrolled in adventure boot camp for the next four weeks. As I sit here at day four, finding new muscles each time I move, I wonder what I am doing. My body screams pain right now, but in the early morning (Camp begins at 5:30 a.m.) I begin to feel new strength, endurance and vitality as I push through bicep curls and obstacle courses. It is a surreal experience as we gather in the dark and fog, do our thing and return home before sunrise.

I am exhausted and exhilarated all at the same time. I find, however, that my brain is not so engaged once I return home to try and read or write as I normally do in the morning. It is hard to think of God when muscles beg to be the center of attention. I have thought a bit about the Ascetics, particularly those who practice self-mortification. In my current state it really seems counterintuitive that bringing more pain to the body could bring you closer to God. It certainly removes thoughts about the rest of the world, but as I said earlier, I find it difficult to settle in and rest with God when my body yells, “take care of me.” I realize, of course, that a strenuous exercise program is not necessarily the same as a strict ascetic practice, but once the blood does flow back into my brain, I can’t help but ponder thoughts such as these.

Today, however, as I returned from taking my children to their respective schools I was compell-
ingly drawn toward the aesthetic beauty of the sunflowers pictured here. They gleamed with their brilliance from a neighborhood community garden. As I looked more closely, I saw that some had started to bow their heads as if in prayer while others lifted their faces toward the sun. Their rhythm was a reminder to me of my own rhythm…this new place I find myself as fall enters in with new work, school schedules and, of course, adventure boot camp. Will I raise my face toward the sun or gently bow my head and rest?

What are your rhythms as the seasons begin to change? Are you drawn to ascetic or aesthetic thoughts? Eugene Peterson speaks of the ascetic and aesthetic movements as being the “no and the yes that work together at the heart of spiritual theology.” I’d love to read your comments on this post.

photos by lucy

Regeneration

tears weeping
shoulders stooping
time to sleep
time to rest

shedding the shouldered burden
fading into compost
feeding the garden of life
regeneration & rejuvenation

weeping
stooping
melting
resting

tired of holding face to sun
departing for a season
may others carry brightness now
regeneration & rejuvenation

inspired by christine's poetry party.

Fire

"The voice of God flashes forth flames of fire." -Psalm 29:7

excerpted from a dream:

it unnerves me to be seen
candles at my feet
tapestry boots aflame
lighting my path

candles at my feet
burning away the dross
lighting my path
singed but not ruined

burning away the dross
tapestry boots aflame
singed but not ruined
it unnerves me to be seen

Forget Everything

I am back, but not feeling very prolific with my words, so I will share those of another.

Forget Everything
By John Squadra

If someone says, “To be enlightened you must
fast and pray all night,”
Have dinner and go to bed.
If you see a sign, “This way to salvation,”
run the other way.
If someone says, “This book is the truth,
you can buy it from me,”
Take your money and buy grapes and roses.
If someone says, “He’s talking tonight,
thousands will be saved.”

Go for a walk…listen to the birds
and watch the clouds, and leave
your backpack, your Bible and your Buddha
under a tree and hope
they will be gone when you return.
Where we are going you can’t carry anything,
not even your name.
If there is logic in the above,
be afraid, it’s a lie.

But if you feel something in your chest
as beautiful as the grass beneath your feet,
be grateful…open your arms
and forget everything
you ever thought you knew.

Source: This Ecstasy

as seen at Northwoods Contemplative

photo by bill