Language of Letting Go

“Today I will begin the process of letting go of all self-defeating feelings and beliefs connected to past relationships. I will clear my slate so I am free to love and be loved.” - Melody Beattie

This process of healing is long and hard – just like the process of being hurt. It is not just one grand instance – perhaps that would be easier and quicker to forgive. It is instead death by a thousand pinpricks so small in the moment that they might not be noticeable at all, but added together over years and years of time, they create a gaping hole that may seem impossible to fill. However…nothing is impossible. It may take more than this lifetime – perhaps not – but it will take diligence. One tiny dot at a time covering over the hole – patching it sometimes with the size of a needle’s eye and other times with big scoops and shovels full. Each time by letting go a little more, the gaping hole is healed.

If one sets one's mind to not forgive, the hole will remain jagged and deep, but if we open ourselves to forgiveness and grace – to gratitude for what we have received – the light will begin to fill the darkness.

Today, I tossed handfuls of fertile soil into the hole. I chose to look her in the face. I opened the door just a little bit more toward forgiveness. Little by little we are being healed; just as little by little, we were harmed. Happy Birthday, Daisy!

grace unbound...what people are saying...

"I love your book! It's one of those that can be picked up at any moment and find peace in the pages." BV

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"I sat up late last night and read mine, cover to cover.  Lovely!  And
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first time through . . . )"  PS

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Grace Unbound: New Reflections on an Old Subject is a creative combination of words and image. Containing original works as well as some old favorites and over 50 stunning photos by amazing photographer, Bill Hughlett, this small 7 X 7 book contains thought provoking and reflective images like those you have come to love and appreciate here. It is simple and complex. It is easy to read and it will make you think. I hope you will decide to give and receive this gift of Grace.

fire of freedom

This theme of fire continues to find and follow me. The candle beckons me first thing in the morning to light its flame. It dances in the peripheral of my vision and reminds me that We are One – dance – flame – God.

A little journaling and then a “random” opening of “Thomas Merton: A Book of Hours” reveals this:

"The fire of love for souls loved by God consumes like the fire of God’s love, and it is the same love. It burns you up with a hunger for the supernatural happiness first of the people that you know, then of people you have barely heard of, and finally of everybody."

It is easy to love the lovable, but what of the not so lovable? My heart is big even though it grew up in a home of judgment and criticism. My mind turns to Linda on the playground. We are seven years old. I feel her hand in mine. It has a slightly different feel - a little drier – a little coarser, but still it is a small hand like mine. Fingers entwined as we skip across the playground, joyously together.

During that moment, I did not know this was considered an outrage to many. It was 1963 in Bethany, Oklahoma. Linda was black and I was white. I did not know that during this same time period, perhaps even the same week, four African American girls just about our age had been killed in a bombing in Alabama while attending church. I did not know it could be considered dangerous to be friends with this girl who was just like me. I did not know that some considered her unlovable.

I have no idea how long we were friends. It might have been only that one day. She disappeared from our school as quietly as she had arrived. Still 35 years later, she lingers in my mind.

Have you ever heard the saying, “You cannot skip and be angry at the same time?” Try it sometime. Two images of freedom come to me most strongly when I think of my childhood. One is skipping by myself on my way to Kindergarten - scuffing my perfect little shoes along the way. The other is skipping hand in hand with Linda on the playground of our elementary school.

So why does this come to my mind now? I believe Linda has reappeared to me today as that symbol of freedom both for myself and for our country, even our world. We are in an historic time right now. Can you feel it? May the fire of freedom burn brightly!!!

Bless you, Linda, wherever you may be.

Consider this: Who are the "Linda's" of your life? What does "fire of freedom" say to you?

He's IN!!!!!

I watched. I laughed. I cried. I cheered.
How about you?

blazing a trail

Earlier this afternoon while pondering why it was that I so desperately felt like I needed a nap even after almost 10 hours of welcome sleep last night, it dawned on me that I have been going non-stop since the beginning of the New Year. It has been wild and wonderful and I have to admit just a bit exhausting.

I started the New Year with a trip to Denver for my husband’s aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary. It was a blessed event and a glorious celebration of the lives of two very special people plus their four amazing children & spouses and numerous grandchildren. It was a special treat for my family of four as we traveled, laughed, lived and even danced together for a few days.

My next stop was Lubbock, Texas and a trip outside town to Brazos de Dios ranch where I helped facilitate a Soltura workshop for five amazing men ranging in age from 25 to 58. There is something incredibly special for me to work with men and watch as their hardened armor drops away and tender hearts shine through. It was a blessed way to spend several days.

I arrived home late the night of January 11 (after a delayed flight) and began a Full week which included:

• beginning of term meetings at Mars Hill,
• planning sessions for a new Supervision Group for Compassionate Listeners that I have the privilege of co-facilitating with the amazing Christine Paintner,
• my first taste of the Memoir Writing Class I am taking at the University of Washington Extension,
• my first ever drumming class with Simone LaDrumma. (I bought myself a djembe for Christmas and talked sweet hubby into coming along for the lessons ☺),
• Thursday morning’s first session of our Supervision Group. Six amazing women make up our group and they each brought a spirit of yearning and delight to our initial meeting. I was excited to lead the expressive arts time which is a real stretch for someone who as little as two years ago did not consider herself an artist ☺!
• Friday brought another packed suitcase and the short flight to Walla Walla to connect with my sister for an art retreat weekend in Pendleton, Oregon that she purchased at an auction in 2008.
• Saturday, four of us trekked to Pendleton and spent the day in the presence of master printmaker Frank Janzen at Crow’s Shadow. Wow! This part of the experience was definitely more about process than product, but I have to admit that I am moderately pleased with my first efforts. And, it was a blast to do!!
• Sunday we awoke and headed to the studio of Roberta Lavadour and spent the day making our own handmade books. So much fun and I love my new journal!!
• Sunday afternoon I returned to Seattle and went from airport to my daughter’s basketball game after which I vegged in front of the tv watching “You’ve Got Mail.” ☺

So, all of that leads me back to this afternoon and my serious pondering of a nap! As you might guess, this also accounts for my cutback in posts and comments via the blogosphere, but hey, I am having some kind of fun!!!

I’m not sure where all of this is leading, but I am definitely Ablaze with lots of creativity and fullness!!!

Wishing you a Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day and hoping you find yourself awakened to whatever lights your fire!!!

photos from brazos de dios, january 2009