Looming Giants - Cairo continued...

September 22, 2010

Cairo was right outside my car window although I could have been in any city in the world for all I could see. Behind the cover of darkness, Ancient Memphis spoke to me. It felt like we were traveling on a major highway as lights and billboards whizzed by the window. My fellow passenger mentioned something about the "ring road". Simultaneously images of "the Loop" surrounding Houston, Texas entered my mind. Later, I would learn my instincts were not far off as Ring Road circles the outer edges of Cairo thus bypassing the slower, more crowded inner city streets.

We approached an area where the lights spread out and calm descended on my soul. I noticed tables set up along a sidewalk and people milling about enjoying the warm evening air. What was odd was the tables weren't set up along storefronts and their backdrop was solid with only a spattering of light. It was a curious scene for me to witness, all in the matter of a few seconds. Before I could ask where we were, the surrounding streetlights thickened again and my companion said matter-of-factly, "You've just crossed the Nile."

What? You're kidding me? I've just crossed one of the greatest rivers in the world and no one told me until we were past it? My disappointment swelled, and my senses tingled because I knew something great had just touched me. The immensity surrounding me was tangible, even though I couldn't see anything other than dots of light pockmarking the indigo night. Later, I would learn that in the daylight one can also see the pyramids of Giza from the route we were on. Those giants had hovered over me in darkness, not dissimilar to Mount Rainier guarding the city of Seattle and her surrounding towns.

Thus the mystery deepened. The water of the Nile called to me like the sidewalks of Paris. I longed to sit and gaze at what I knew not - to join the locals at their wrought iron tables and feel the warmth of the night air wash over my tired bones. I imagine to gaze at the Nile is to feel the streams of eternity. The pull of the water was like the movement of tides. Even under cover of darkness, I knew something was there. The tug was tangible - not unlike my call to come to this faraway place. Was I witnessing my year of water co-mingling with this desert environ?

I read once that the things we are drawn to are pieces of brokenness unbreaking back together. Unbreaking back together. Was this a moment of 'unbreaking' for me? By crossing the Nile was I gathering puzzle pieces of my existence? This trip found me on the edge of moving and flowing with water's adaptability which is not unlike sand's. Just when I think I have things all figured out or there are no more spaces to fill, another drop or grain shows up. Sometimes I am filled to the top and overflow. Those are the moments of wholeness when I am connected to the universe with every atom of my body. Instants profound, yet fleeting, because I shift ever so slightly and let my humanity slip in through anger or disappointment and the water spills or dries up or the sand shifts and blows away. Is the moment gone? Or can I experience it as offering more room and space to gather and heal my brokenness? Early in this journey, the moments were already aligning like the giant stones at the base of Giza.

As you walk through your days, I invite you to notice how the moments align. Perhaps they are only recognizable in hindsight, like my realization of the Nile. How will you be present to what surrounds you even when you cannot see?

photos ©lucy

• Crossing the Nile (daytime)
• The Pyramids of Giza
• Base of the Great Pyramid
  

The Next Small Step

What happens when you start imagining what you can do and not what you can't? What happens when you do the next small thing instead of focusing on saving the world? What happens when you focus on simplicity rather than complexity? When you follow your heart rather than the world's suggestions? What happens? Simply? - Things begin to change.

Do you want change? Do I want change? Am I open to possibilities beyond my wildest imagination? Am I willing to tread on the ground of an amazing God? Will I take off my shoes because I am standing on holy ground? Even in this moment as I sit and write, the themes of my life swirl around me as I respond and answer Yes, Yes Yes! I am willing to step in AND it can be terrifying.

I've been participating in a weekly exercise called "This week, I will..." The first step being to name my weekly intention. As I sat quietly and journaled, I found "focus on the next small step" to be my intention for this week. It's a harder thing to do than one might think. I find myself easily coming up with the next step, but then quickly wanting to move to the one beyond. So, I reign myself in, slow down and do the smallest step right before me. This morning my step was to clear out my office baskets and file them into my new filing cabinet. Simple, easy and satisfying. This step was followed by going to today's reading from Mark Nepo. Here are the opening words:

"Walker, there is no path, you make the path as you walk." --Antonio Machado

The reading went on to discuss how we are constantly taking first steps and how stepping too far into the future can make us stumble like a toddler who suddenly realizes she's walking on her own momentum or a child learning to ride a bike once the parent lets go. We peddle along content in the trajectory of the present moment until we jolt ourselves into the future by realizing everything that must be done or hasn't been done or should get done...

AND so I choose the only thing I can do. I return to the present. I focus on the next small thing. I take a deep breath. I slow down and step into the holy ground of my heart. As I listen to my body, it confirms my longing. It offers the next step. It opens me up to possibility. It offers me completion and satisfaction, because you know what? I can always do the next small thing - and if that seems too overwhelming, then I back off and make it a little smaller. This reminds me of the powerful knowledge I learned a few years ago when reading The Four Agreements - One of the agreements is "Always do your best." It was incredibly freeing for me to acknowledge sometimes my "best" means staying right where I am - perhaps pulling the covers back over my head and doing only the most basic thing like breathing. So...

What happens when you focus on the next small thing instead of trying to save the world - or your family - or yourself? What happens when you focus on simplicity instead of complexity? What does the next small step look like? I invite you to consider the possibilities of creating the path as you walk. Where do you dream it will go?

shilshole crow © lucy 7.10

Me Versatile?? You bet!!

I absolutely adore receiving awards. I can check my modesty at the door and say bring it on when someone wants to tell me I've done something extraordinary. In this case, 'extraordinary' might be a bit strong, however, I'll take my bows and thank Sunrise Sister for honoring me with the Versatile Blogger award. (I've been wanting a new little something for my sidebar.) This seems especially honoring in light of my moderate productivity rate this summer. So, thank you, SS!!!

I'm going to choose, however, to keep with the moderation and not officially pass this on to 10 specific bloggers. Instead, I invite you to check your own modesty at the door if you consider yourself a versatile blogger and grab one of these nifty little buttons for your own. I would ask, however, as a small token, you share 7 things we may not know about you. For me, it was harder than I might have thought since I really do try to share the juiciest tidbits with you here!! So, here goes - in no specific order - or significance. Have a grand day!!!!

1. I rarely pass a blooming rose without stopping to inhale its aroma. On my regular route, I have distinguished between which roses are worth breaking my pace and which ones have lost their scent for the sake of extreme outer beauty. (Oh, I think there may be a post in that one. ☺)

2. Someone told me once that your abs disappear after a certain age. For years I chose to believe them. Thanks to new eating habits, hot yoga, weekly workouts, & more delicious activities, my abs are starting to make a reappearance.

3. Many of you have followed me on a variety of international travels, so you might be interested to know that I applied for my first passport 7 years ago. It now holds a visa approved for Egyptian travel for the next six months ☺.

4. I leave for my Egyptian pilgrimage in less than 3 weeks. My flight takes me through Paris and I’m trying to decide if I have enough time and gumption to take a quick spin around the Eternal City during my layover.

5. My primary mode of journaling lately has been doodling and colored pencils while listening to either music or podcasts.

6. When I was in the 4th grade, I was an elf in the Christmas pageant (a very small supporting role). I got so nervous I almost threw up. Major stage fright!!!

7. I haven’t had a glass of wine (or any other adult beverage) since I returned from Hawaii more than 6 months ago. Not a big story there (well… maybe a little story ☺), but it just feels right for now.

How much does a number weigh?

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” Leroy (Satchel) Page

What’s in a number? In my "former" life I was an accountant surrounded by numbers day and night. Combine a conservative Christian, basically fundamental background with a profession where everything balances neatly and you don't have much room to consider the unknown. Interesting, huh? Now the "new me" finds myself living in a more mysterious, less objective, certainly not as concrete existence with LOTs of space allowed.... and still I find numbers can carry their own weight.

As I mentioned here, I’ve been working with a life coach whose specialty is weight issues. Professionally speaking, however, I must remind myself that the presenting issue is rarely the real issue. Participating via supportive group sessions and online discussions, I quickly found myself feeling fabulous, fit and lighter in every sense of the word. So, one day while at the gym, I decided it was time to step on the scales - fully expecting the number to reflect this supremely satisfied me. As I pushed the little weight counter over to the balance point, I was horrified (and deeply disappointed) to find there was NO movement since the last time I weighed several weeks before. (Gasp!!) What’s a girl to do? Let a piece of metal take away my mellow? I almost let the scales win, but quickly realized I much prefer feeling light & easy rather than heavy-laden with the makings of my own mind. Thanks to the great support of other fabulous women, I rallied and didn’t let myself go into a tail spin. But, oh my, the power of that silly number!!

Now while I could expound for hours on the subject of weight and body image, I wanted to relay another experience with numbers I had today. Per my last post, I spent the majority of two full days in my closets – sorting, pitching, and recycling those things that no longer serve me well. If I don’t love it or have an immediate functional use for it, out the door it went. I saved my personal closet for last as I had cleaned it only a couple of months ago, but this time I was ruthless. I dug into corners that haven’t been seen in MANY years. I found jewelry, I’d forgotten I lost. I tried on pants and skirts that have become too large for my slimmer self. I vacuumed and dusted nooks and crannies – organized necklaces and scarves and earrings – pitching anything without a mate and forgetting my previous motto, ‘Well it might turn up... (or) I might need this...’

In this heroic effort, I saved the cream of the crop to take to the resale shop down in the village. Included in the two bursting bags were jewelry pieces, strappy sandals, a practically new leather coat and a variety of well-made clothes I hate to think how much their original cost. Dressed in a sassy skirt having just come from work, I loaded up the bags and went to make my fortune in resale. I patiently waited as the young twenty-something clerk plucked through my things, making what I thought were two piles and feeling assured the larger pile was definitely the ‘keeper’. She finally finished and with a perky smile and polished tone announced, “We’ve decided to keep three pieces today, so the cash available to you is $9.45.” $9.45?!?!?!? Are you kidding me? I spent two days cleaning and sorting, saved my best stuff for you and all that’s worth $9.45? These last words, of course, spoken only in my mind.

Numbers. What’s a girl to do? Throw a fit? Cry? Devalue the super light feeling I felt after clearing away all that clutter? Tempting, but No Way!! A little convertible time, some good music and a trip to the charity center to drop off my very valuable donations is helping lift the power of this particular number ☺. Oh my, I do continue to learn so much about myself. I noticed that I wanted to drive immediately to the bakery or the smoothie store and sooth my wounded little pride. My inner whiner was sulking big time! “Waaahhh. They didn’t want our stuff.”
“Thanks, kid.” I gently consoled. “But I'm not buying into the whining this time. Numbers are just numbers… and we get to decide the weight we want to give them.”

So, that’s my current numbers game. Things don't always add up so neatly and the mystery continues. I wonder how much a heavy attitude weighs? Next up in the potentially impacting numbers category? My birthday. Hmmm…. How old would I be if I didn’t know how old I am?

Re-gathering

My thoughts are fleeting. I want to write to capture my essence - my soul - the world reflected in my eyes and mirrored in my heart. I love this time of silence today - a time I haven't easily carved out in these full days of summer. In this moment - gentle fan blowing - ipod softly playing - the monks have joined me again. I am a monk in the world. One who finds beauty and calm in the midst of the chaos.

Life continues to throw hard balls and curves. I duck and dodge like a ninja - feet firmly planted while body bends and turns. I want to stay grounded - to be like the ancient Irish tree - reaching into the earth and stretching toward the heavens. The light in my eyes flickers - when I open the door to an unwelcome message - when I rush around and feel cranky with my husband - when I jump up from bed and hurry to the next thing - when I charge out the door to yoga - something feels very wrong about that...

And so, I settle into my blue-flowered cocoon in this light of morning and I dream I am in Bermuda with the ocean breeze flowing across my skin. I am centered and calm - a prayerful stance - floating above the ground yet still fully connected to the Universe. God is with me - around me - within me. Earth uncovered. Soul recovered and reclaimed. It only takes a moment - less than 10; smaller than 5 - to connect - re-find & re-gather. I have come back to center.

I must be nourished and fed. This feeds me. God. Silence. Gratitude. Slowing down. What can I give up for 10 minutes each day? Sleep. E-mail. A rigid schedule. There's always a few minutes for restoration. I need this. I love this. My ritual is my writing. How could I have forgotten that? My writing is my ritual.

And you? Where do you find nourishment? What might you have forgotten? Is there a piece of you you'd like to reclaim or re-gather? It only takes a moment...

per special request - a new photo of aslan - 're-gathering'