3:00 a.m. ~ Friend or Foe?

by Kayce Stevens Hughlett

I startle awake after a long dream in which I’m Jane Doe, the badass heroine in the television series, “Blind Spot.” I’ve been fighting a battle of sorts that continues after awakening via mind chatter. It's about my new book, SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, and wings of the world.

The argument goes like this. Promote it. Let it go. Let it do its own thing. It can’t do it without me. Yes, it will. It’s magic. Write the local Independent Booksellers. But they don’t care. Maybe they do. Write the people you sent advance reading copies to. They don’t care either. {sob} How do I reach who cares? No one cares. {sob sob}

It is the middle of the night. 3:00 a.m. I know it's not just the hour when mind gremlins prey, but it’s also the time when magic occurs. When eagles speak and wee ones dance. When butterflies become fathers and stars offer wisdom aloud from the skies. When horses fly and books become bestsellers.

Aaarrrrgggghhhh! I’d say I don’t care, but I do care … a lot! This book is magic—if only a sentence or a phrase. It is a portal into yourself (whoever you may be). I didn’t write it. It wrote me. And if no one sees it, shares it, carries it … then what?

Daily people ask how the book is doing? Truth? I have no idea! There are layers of people (publishers, distributers, sellers) between me and the results. The reach may be large or small, but I know the magic is deep. Readers have told me so, but at 3:00 a.m. silence (i.e. no feedback) speaks way louder than words. 

And then I hear my friend Leslie’s voice with a message from the elders, “You are real. Real like the Velveteen Rabbit. Loved into existence. Weary and worn. You’ve done the work. Rest in it or relish it. Go gentle or bold. This is your time.”

I think some more about the booksellers, about competition, about a broken publication system. I wonder why Independent Booksellers primary focus is not on indie authors, but rather on “sure things” and big sales. I offer them grace and imagine a new way. I invite myself to step out of the game, to let my work speak for itself. I vow to write more of the things I love, to return to my roots of authentic story telling. I turn out the light, roll over, and pray for the battle to cease.

Order here!

SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, & wings of the worlds  has arrived! Available @ Bookstores, Amazon, and your favorite audio version

“Hughlett finds her voice in the most unexpected places—amidst the grief of life’s challenges, in letting go, in strengthening through presence.” Pixie Lighthorse,  Prayers of Honoring Grief