Rollin' Like a Yo-Yo

by Kayce Stevens Hughlett

The other day I asked my friend, Rena, whether she ever feels like a yo-yo. “Yup, I do,” she responded. Me, too! And my hunch is maybe you do, too.

This year has been yo-yo material of the extreme sort. It’s included the kind of breakneck movement that brings highs and lows with such force it could send a person screaming to the chiropractor for whiplash relief. 

The details of my story don’t really matter today, because they’re not the point here. The point is actually to remind myself of life’s rapid ups and downs and how I roll with them. It’s easy for me to forget the lows when things are going smoothly, and even more seductive to believe that my world is coming to an end when I’m in the midst of a crisis. 

“The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings.” Gita Bellen 

After some crying, screaming, snot-slinging, sobbing, and object throwing emotions, I wanted to retreat and crawl into a hole, so I did.  While I was in that hole I felt everything about it. I wallowed around in it like a piggy intent on covering itself with mud. I explored that hole’s texture—kinda slimey; its smell—rotten and sour; its color—dark dark dark; and its over all feeling—alone and isolating. 

I stroked my aloneness like it was my favorite kitty and whispered to myself, “Poor me. Poor, poor me.” I cried and bemoaned my loneliness until I couldn’t stand it anymore and then I poked a finger out into the air like a wary turtle’s head, checking to see if there was a safe direction to go. 

I jerked it back in retreat. I squirmed around in my dark shell and then I poked my head out again. Ah, a little light this time. I stuck my neck out further and remembered I have a tribe who promises to hold me, no questions asked. So I told them about the depth of sorrow and pain I was experiencing. I invited and allowed them to feel it with me… and you know what? The loneliness shifted. 

And with that tiny shift, I remembered another friend who I could blurt it all out to… so I did that… and the despair lessened some more. And then I felt really tired, so I went to bed and slept. 

I considered cancelling scheduled plans—a new writing group, French lessons, a walk I promised myself, but I didn’t. Instead, I interviewed a friend, finalized a guest blog post, and focused on what I had to give the world instead of bemoaning what it had taken from me.

I put one foot in front of the other, not because that’s what I was supposed to do, but because it felt better than hanging out in the hole. With each step, I felt more alive until the point where I was not only laughing, but I was dancing and wearing my sassy boots and wanting to paint flowers on my turtle shell.

And then the yo-yo dropped. And it went back up. And down. And… 

Feeling my feelings is the key, the way, the bomb (or balm) that allows me to ride the highs and lows. To really live. To not succumb to the darkness, but allow it to inform and shape me. In the midst of all the craziness, I realized I much prefer to be happy. So step-by-step, moment by moment, I am choosing what makes me happy. 

Everything is in the mix. Up. Down. Good. Bad. Dark. Light. Safe. Scared. Love. Fear. Down. Up. Yep, I'm rollin' like a yo-yo.

How do you feel your feelings? Or not? What helps you ride life’s yo-yo? 

Let me know how I can support you! I have a few spaces available for individual coaching this season. I'd also love to know what offerings or topics you'd like to see shared.

This month I am the pilgrim-in-residence at A Sacred Journey. New posts every Thursday in January. Next up "Step by Step"... reflections on my first trip to Paris. 

Comments

[erin]

beautiful. brilliant. brave.
xoxo

[Kayce S Hughlett]

erin - thank you so much for reading and commenting and for being YOU!! xoxo