Live it to Give it Interview with Debbie Reber

facilitated by Kayce Stevens Hughlett

When I approach a threshold like the New Year, I pay close attention to what is of the essence. In other words, what keeps showing up in my journal, on my daily walks, in books or articles I’m reading? Is there a theme I need to be aware of? When asked the personal question, “What do I want to celebrate more of in 2014?” one answer quickly popped out: Love and Connection.

Through some pondering, I decided one way I wanted to explore this theme was by sharing people I love with the world. Today, I am delighted to host my first guest interview of 2014 with the remarkable Debbie Reber. 

Debbie & Kayce @ 2012 M. Beck SummitDebbie and I first met when we were in life coach training in 2011. We soon learned that out of 50 trainees spread all over the world, she and I lived within 3 miles of each other. We’ve spent more than a few hours sipping green smoothies, walking Green Lake and chatting about our kids who grow and stretch us. She was also the editor for “As I Lay Pondering” and has cheered me on in my current novel writing adventure. Bottom line, Debbie is an amazing gift in my life and I’m delighted to share her with you. Without further adieu, here we go:

Kayce: Debbie, you’ve had some pretty big changes in your life since we met three years ago. You’ve moved to Amsterdam, become the primary teacher of your 9-year-old son, and written another book for teen girls. One of the things I’ve appreciated about our friendship is that I’ve been able to ‘see behind the curtain’ and know it’s not always been smooth sailing. I’m curious about how you as a coach, author, mother, etc. find your balance between sharing life’s real challenges and being a mentor for others.

Debbie: I think I see them as one and the same. One of my mentors, Jess Weiner, beautifully modeled what transparency weaved with generosity looks like to me many years ago and I’ll never forget how I felt witnessing and experiencing that. In that moment, I realized the responsibility I have to be open about it all – the good, the bad, and ugly (and yes, there is plenty of ugly to share). I believe it’s the key to connection, and I believe connection is really where it’s at. It’s why we’re here.

Kayce: Oh honey, I am right there with you on the good, the bad, and the ugly!! Carry on...

Debbie: In a practical sense, I try to honor all sides of my experience. I go out of my way to blog about or share on Facebook the highs and the lows. I know that other writers are looking to me for inspiration as they go about writing their own books, and I also know that there are many moms who are watching my journey as mom to a special needs son (Asperger’s + ADHD + some other goodies), so I feel a sense of responsibility to keep it real. Sharing parenting challenges are probably the most difficult for me, because I’m still very much processing and figuring out how to come to a place of peace and acceptance regarding what’s hard about parenting my son (talk about a great teacher!). Ultimately, I believe the more we can all be real about our lives, including those things that frankly just suck, the less alone in our experiences (and consequently our despair or sadness) we can all be.

Kayce: So true regarding keeping it real and finding ways to connect and feel less alone!

Living in a foreign country is something many people never consider. On the other hand, there are those of us who dream of throwing off the bow lines and diving into a foreign culture. What words of caution or encouragement do you have for us? What has been the biggest gift of living in Amsterdam? How about the largest drawback and/or the scariest part? 

Debbie: Living abroad is something I’ve always wanted to do, so in many ways being here is a dream come true. But though we asked the universe for this move to happen and the universe came through in a big way, I still knew it was going to be hard. However, I don’t know that I was truly prepared for just how difficult the transition would be.

Of course, intellectually I knew extricating ourselves from our life in Seattle would be like losing an appendage. I knew we’d be dealing with a certain angry nine-year-old boy who was (and still is) convinced that our move ruined his life. And I knew we were starting over with no support system, no friends, no comforts of home, no routine, no knowledge of the language.

But still, it was harder.

Kayce: Yikes!

Debbie: I think if it had just been my husband and me, we would have been in adventure mode, and the experience would have been different. Disorienting, sure, but easier and more fun. Honestly, the scariest part for me? Worrying that we were making the wrong choice for our son. For a kid who struggles greatly with transitions, I questioned more than once whether or not we were being selfish to move here, whether the move would trigger a serious regression in my son’s fledgling social and emotional development.

Still. My husband and I have a deep knowing that we’re supposed to be here. So most days, I go with that.

And the gifts? They are just so, so many. In the past few months, I’ve begun to feel more like myself, more able to notice and appreciate. Perhaps more than anything, I wasn’t prepared for how incredibly alive and vibrant I feel here. How the simple act of biking along a canal on a cold, clear night could make me break into a wide open grin. There are so many moments of grace and beauty, discovery, and overwhelming gratitude. And while yes, being able to jump on a plane or train and be in France or Spain in under three hours is phenomenal, it’s the gift of presence and knowing that we’re really here…we did this…and we are living our dream… that feels most amazing.

Kayce: I totally got goose bumps when I read about biking along the canals. That feels like incredible presence to me which is a phenomenal gift, for sure!

I am eternally fascinated with the uniqueness that each of us brings to the world and our innate ability to impact the world for good. As a phenomenal woman and international citizen, please tell me… what is your super power and do you have a sidekick?

Debbie: Hmmm. Well, I do make really beautiful color-coded charts to organize information (my former colleagues used to refer to me as the “chart queen”), but I’m not sure that qualifies.

Beyond that, I think my superpower is my ability to get stuff done while still managing to focus on my self-care. This is something others ask me about all the time, how I do so much work-wise while still homeschooling my son and running and taking care of myself, (not to mention indulging in the occasional nap). I honestly don’t know how I do it. It’s just how I operate in the world. When it’s time for me to focus and produce, I become incredibly efficient in every way. And the self-care, well, it’s not something that’s up for debate in my mind. It’s a priority because I believe it’s the foundation of everything I am.

Kayce: Right on, regarding self-care not being up for debate!! I couldn't agree more.

So, what’s on tap for 2014? What are you excited to bring the world this coming year?

Debbie: It’s already a busy year!! Over the next few months I’m going to be writing updated, revised editions of two of my books for teen girls, In Their Shoes and Chill (they’ll come out in Spring 2015), and I’m also looking forward to coaching more writers to help them work on their own books (my favorite part of my job). I also hope to make serious headway on my new writing passion project, which is a memoir about my journey as a mom and now teacher to my son. This one both terrifies me and excites me, so that’s usually a good combination! Plus, lots of travel – on deck are Portugal, Austria, London, Ireland, Scotland, and Italy (squee!).

Kayce: In closing, I’d love for you to tell the readers what live it to give it means to you?

Debbie: To me it means embracing absolutely everything that happens in your life and allowing yourself to experience it fully, from the most exhilarating and joyful moments to periods of dark pain and grief. It’s living openly and being vulnerable. It’s knowing that we are all on similar journeys and that connection matters.

Kayce: I couldn't agree more. Debbie, thanks so much for kicking off our Live it to Give it series!!

Debbie: It was a fun interview to do. I really enjoyed answering these... Made me think, ponder, and appreciate. Thank you for that!

Debbie Reber is an author, writing coach, speaker, teen advocate, runner, wannabe Broadway singer, and dog lover. As a writing coach, she blends her expertise in writing and publishing with her training as a life coach to provide practical writing strategies combined with guidance and thoughtful insight so writers can discover and connect with their most powerful, efficient, and creative selves. To learn how to work with Debbie, visit her website  (http://www.debbiereber.com/coaching-for-writers-new/). To read about Debbie’s adventures in Europe, visit her blog, Tilt-A-World (http://tilt-a-world.tumblr.com/).