Wrapping up "Daring Greatly"

Welcome to the wrap up of the On the Same Page book club discussion of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Before you tell yourself, “This is a waste of time, because I haven’t even read this book,” STOP! Pause. RETHINK! There are lots of juicy nuggets here and who says you can’t start reading the book (and our previous posts) today or next week?

This was such a fun and thought-provoking read for us (Kanesha Baynard, Amy Steindler, and Kayce + special guest blogger, Grace Kerina) that we got together for a quick online chat to sum up a few of our favorite takeaways. The enthusiasm was literally bubbling over the phone lines, so pour yourself a cup of tea, relax, and enjoy the inside conversation.

If audio’s not your thing or you like your information in writing, we’ve also included this juicy summary. 

Our fact-finder and homework queen, Kanesha, brings us the concepts of Energy Use and Exchange and Managing Your Self-worth. When she talks about this on the recording, her energy is contagious. So, what does she mean? Read on…

•          Not putting your worth on the table through the conditional terms of being a perfectionist, being a prisoner of pleasing, and over-doing

•          Adjusting your self-talk

•          Using more self-compassion

•          Focusing on real connection with others

Culture of never enough + self-doubt = under living 

•          Being comfortable with your own defined version of having it all

•          Being comfortable with your decision making – as long the decisions are connected with your core values

•          This requires owning vulnerability and combating shame

Brilliant!!

What stood out to me (Kayce) was the power of creating our own definitions. I get to decide what’s manageable and acceptable for me without getting all caught up in other people’s culture of scarcity or opinions of what success looks like for them.

• What does success look like for you?
• What if doing your best is simply getting out of bed on any given day?
• How would you write your “perfect” story?

We can define what daring greatly looks like, too. Some days it could be grandiose and beyond terrifying like launching a new venture or publishing a book or jumping out of an airplane. Other times, it’s something we might not normally consider “daring” like holding our spouse’s hand or saying hello to a stranger. Brené gives great examples of all of these. 

I loved the accessibility of the book and it’s ability to offer nuggets of simple wisdom that were relatable and profound.

“The opposite of scarcity is enough.”

“We’re called to ‘dare greatly’ every time we make choices that challenge the social climate of scarcity.”

The irony of life: “I want to experience your vulnerability, but I don’t want to be vulnerable.”

“THE UNSPEAKABILITY OF SHAME GIVES SHAME ITS POWER!”

“I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred.”

“The space between our practiced values (what we’re actually doing, thinking, and feeling) and our aspirational values (what we want to do, think, and feel) is the value gap, or what I call ‘the disengagement divide.’”

“Daring greatly means find our own path and respecting what that search looks like for other folks. Wholehearted parenting is not having it all figured out and passing it down – it’s learning and exploring together.”

While each one of us was prompted to become more vulnerable and make shifts in our way of being, I most enjoyed watching our thinker, Amy, catch on fire with new possibilities for daring greatly. Here are a few things she has to say:

Per our call, my (Amy’s) major takeaways from this well-written, accessible and timely book are: 

• We do live in a society driven by lack and scarcity.  Our underlying fear of "not enough"--not having enough, not BEING enough--causes behavior that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The opposite of scarcity isn't abundance, but "enough."  Becoming a believer in the presence of "enough" in my life has changed my ability to be generous and to receive generosity in return. 

• The book gave me permission to be vulnerable.  I now understand that vulnerability isn't weakness or deficiency.  It takes a tremendous amount of courage to put ourselves out in the world, even in the smallest ways.  The key is to believe in our own resilience, and to create our own support networks so when the unthinkable happens--we're rejected or become a target for someone else's bullying behavior--we know how to survive, respond or just carry on.

• On a professional level, the book (chapter 6) inspired me to take on a mission of bringing mindful self-awareness to the corporate world, in an effort to raise the corporate EQ (emotional intelligence level) so that bullying and shaming bosses are taught other ways to manage, and employees understand the dynamic and can protect themselves from such treatment.  I am daring greatly to put together programs and approach corporate executives with this notion that we can create sustainable high performance through mindfulness training.  After a 30 year corporate career, it's time for me to give back in a way that changes things for future generations.

Hurray, Amy! Corporate America is in for a treat!

Thanks to all who’ve read along with us for the last few weeks and a very special thank you to The Wayfinder Post for sponsoring On the Same Page! 

We’re cooking up our next adventure, so stay tuned and keep reading!!  And let me know if there's a book or topic you'd like us to explore!!