Exploring Life's Artistry

I write a lot… pretty much every day. I have dozens of journals filled with my scribbles and musings. Some days the words flow like water and other times they get stuck like a chicken bone in my throat.

Occasionally I try to convince myself that I don’t know what to write… that there is nothing fit for print… blah blah blah. But the pull to write is always inside me stirring around alongside my insecurities and fears. We all have them, don’t we? What if I say too much? What if it sounds like bragging? What if I don’t say anything at all? Will I be judged?

Recently I had the opportunity to share my words (and thus myself) with the Abbey of the Arts community where I declared myself “an artist of being alive.”

“For me to even say ‘I am an artist of being alive’ is a rebellious statement where I come from, but it is one I know to be true deep within the marrow of my bones.” KSH

If I truly am an artist of being alive, then it is my craft to live fully and as a writer, I am called to authentically share that life.

I’ve been blogging for about ten years now. I started out anonymously as “lucy” and gathered quite a following as I struggled to raise my children, find my faith, explore Paris for the first time, and uncover my authentic voice.  Truth is I miss that early community… or maybe it’s me I miss.

I miss getting to say that I’m stuck and it sucks or that I’m brilliant and blessed and shiny all over. I’m sick of feeling like I’m writing in a vacuum and having no one that understands or cares what I have to say. (Ha! Now isn’t that a thought… no one understands or cares?)

I miss being vocal and unabashed. I miss sharing my thrills, because they might sound like bragging. But, damn! I am so excited about an upcoming trip that I need to shout it from the rooftops or I just might burst. It’s tricky navigating this private/public world!

When we experience love we want to celebrate and share it with others. The same goes when we are sad, lonely, stuck, or despaired. We need witnesses to our lives. I’ve been feeling all over the place emotionally this summer and I’ve been reticent to share. Why? Maybe because I think I have some grand impact on others and I don’t want to bring them down (oh, arrogance)… or perhaps because I believe I have zero impact (i.e. no one cares). Poor me!

If I were to share openly, I would tell you that I’ve been in a funk for several weeks. My shine has been a little dull AND I’ve had hundreds of brilliant moments—sitting with Mt. Rainier in peaceful silence, meditating with Oprah and Deepak, coaching conversations with other struggling and shining souls. I’ve spent hours soaking up sunshine and admiring sunflowers, reading and lazing around, crafting my novel (which also falls into the funk side on occasion).

When writing rolls into the “should” category it ceases to be fun. Shoulds are different from tugs or pulls. Today, my biggest pull is to write and share that I am a living, breathing human being.

I’m about to head off on a new adventure where my husband and I will meet up with dear friends and sail for several days in the Mediterranean. Sardinia, Menorca, Barcelona with built in surprises along the way. It feels extravagant and I feel deeply fortunate! I am so grateful for this delightful opportunity.

Nature’s cruel joke on me is that I love the water—floating, sailing, exploring… AND I am prone to horrible seasickness if not medicated. It’s a risk for me to commit to two weeks at sea. This, to me, represents life artistry—knowing the risk, but doing it anyway when the heart sings, 'Yes'!

Isn’t that what life is about? Stepping into the places we fear? Listening to where our hearts call us even when it’s scary? I realize that’s what this post is about for me—knowing the risk of judgment or failure and writing it anyway. Ha!

That’s what an artist of being alive does. Yes. I am an artist of being alive. Care to join me? 

“Being an artist and a rebel (and yes, a monk) is about dancing on the edges where others dare not go and discovering there is bursting, abundant, overflowing life within. It’s about transforming work into play and witnessing joy in the midst of sorrow. It’s about playing with all the colors of the spectrum and creating one’s own definition of beauty.” Kayce S. Hughlett for Abbey of the Arts (click here to read full post)

Comments

[Pam]

Woo-HOO!!! :)

[Kayce S Hughlett]

:-) Pam!