The Day after the "Big" Day

Life turns on a dime. Cliché but true. One minute we are three excited people—a family—thrilled to pick up our fourth member… and the next a slack-jawed Neanderthal with anxious eyes tells us there’s been a mistake… someone should have called to let us know. Words like “segregation,” “infraction” and “pending investigation” leave his lips.

It all blurs together as his puffy mouth yaps away in the cold morning air. I want to lunge like a wild cat and rip his throat out and make those lips stop moving. To stop time and turn it back.

Two days ago something happened to change things… in the meantime, we cleaned a room, washed sheets, made a bed, prepared menus, decided the best place for breakfast. We told our friends. I wrote a blog post. We marveled at the synchronicity of MLK Jr. Day and the inauguration. My morning reading said, “Let there be light” and Buechner wrote about “a man returning home.” It was all perfect. All meant to be, until…

@#@%%@^$^^@! I hate the reality of what’s happening. Byron Katie would say it was all exactly as it was meant to be… because you can’t argue with reality. Like I said, @#@!%@^!*!! Maybe in hindsight I’ll find some fabulous meaning. Maybe. Okay, probably. But… in the midst, all I wanted to do was hit someone or something or at least yell.

I wanted to snatch back my blog post. Take my “Big day” status off of Facebook. Dive under the covers and wish I’d never opened my mouth to brag about the homecoming. But, that’s not the way I roll.

I have to LIVE and sometimes that means having others bear witness. Not just witness to the joy—and I have a lot of that! But also witness to the sucky stuff. Maybe especially to that… and yesterday really sucked. (btw – that is about my least favorite word if that tells you anything about the day).

So what’s the point? I think it may be this…

We practice being calm on the good days, so the bad ones don’t eat us alive. We practice when everything is going “well” because you never know when it will turn sour.

I encourage others to embrace the unknown… to step across the threshold even when we don’t know what’s on the other side. It’s not easy. Some days it’s damn near impossible!

Yesterday I cried. I added a postscript to my blog post instead of pulling it off. I told some close friends about my sadness. I surrounded myself with as much love as I could stand. I ate chocolate cake and buttered popcorn. Snuggled with my cat. Cursed at anyone who got in my way. I ran to the bus to meet my husband after he stood in the freezing cold for an hour. I watched Netflix. Surfed Facebook. Pretended nothing was wrong.

I finally went into creative mode. Listened to good music. Jai Ho. Adele. John Hiatt. I played games on my phone. Ate ice cream with my hubby. Tried unsuccessfully to read and went to sleep.

And this morning I began again. I meditated… even though my mind swirled like a cyclone. I showed up, set my timer and practiced. Life is never as simple as we plan. I wish I could erase the moment I saw the guard walking toward our car… but I can’t.

He came. He opened those inflated yapping lips and said, “There’s been a mistake. He’s not getting out today.” I wanted to lunge like a tigress protecting her cub. Instead I paused. I took a deep breath (or ten). I cried. I went on with my day.

And now? I practice and I wait… because you never know when the dime will turn again.

Comments

[Pamela]

Hugs, and Hugs, and Hugs......Love to you all. Pamela