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live it to give it is all about love and connection. Being authentic. Living our lives and sharing it with others. Life is messy and so is this blog. Somedays my organized coach self shows up. Other days it's my vulnerable author. There's a mom that lives inside me alongside a wife, friend, social justice activist, creative muse, ponderer extraordinaire, and multitude of others. I'll introduce you to people who inspire me and offer a peek into my world that very likely intersects with your world. In other words, I will share life in its full, glorious mess with you. I'm honored you're here and I hope you'll come back soon!!  Cheers! Kayce 

 

Entries in Paris (38)

Tuesday
Mar252008

waking to a new song

In the movie, “Dan in Real Life,” Julliette Binoche’s character describes her perfect day as “waking up in a foreign country, not really knowing the language, ready for adventure, so amazing.”

I ran across those words this morning as I took a quick peek into my Paris journal. As I have mentioned here before, I have been dreaming in French since I returned from my trip. One of the outstanding lines is “Je ne parle pas Francais”…I don’t speak French. Many wonderful comments were left about the wildness there is in not understanding language and I plan to continue to ponder, collage and sort through what that means for me. Today, however, I was delighted to read my own words written shortly after I returned to Seattle.

listening to the patter of language around me…not having to partake or be responsible for what was going on…just listening...like music—listening to a song I could not understand, but still loving the melody and the message…a lullaby…a love song…written just for me…this past week was my love song to myself…a beautiful gift that only I could give.

When you do not understand the language around you, where do your thoughts go? Do you fight it and retreat? Or do you choose to hear it as a new song around you? Maybe it is a beautiful love song or possibly it is a fight song you would rather tune out. What is the language you hear today—wherever you are?

Peace.

"glory" photo from musee d'orsay

Tuesday
Mar112008

Blue Dancers

Life comes rushing in so fast. I wake up dreaming of the Musee d’Orsay, Tess, the grandmother & her boys (who I have not had a chance to write about), Blue Dancers. I want to return to Paris. There is so much left undone. No regrets except maybe that I did not ride the carrousel ☺. Still, I know I will return.

I have been dreaming in French. Soon the trip will start to fade. Not so quickly for me, but it will certainly fade for others. Their lives are not changed by me. I think of Ally and the lives she touched. The life she lived. Yesterday was a day filled with memories of her just as today will be and probably—hopefully—tomorrow.

I miss Paris. I did not have to worry about so much there. I could wake up and let the wind blow me where it would. Now I am here. My dear husband sleeps next to me. The dog wants attention. My daughter is being a little snarly. (Is something wrong or is it just “normal” teenage angst?) My son is in treatment again. Lord, please help him. Help all of us.

I don’t want my journal to move away from Paris. I don’t want to leave there. I don’t want to jump into the seemingly million obligations that await me here. I just want to write about the Musee d’Orsay and Blue Dancers.

Alas, life slips in. How can I live today as though on the wings of Paris? How will I choose to live these moments fully? How will you?

Image Edgar Degas', "Blue Dancers"

Sunday
Mar092008

Au Revoir, Paris--musing #9

“Breathe deeply,” said Aurore (my Paris hostess) as we parted ways. My first walk out of the neighborhood found my local patisserie, Jean Millet, closed. “Quelle horreur!” I thought it must be closed on Friday and found that I could not bring myself to enter another café. And so, I walked around and said good-bye to the Eiffel Tower from the first place I saw it at Pont de l’Alma. The morning was gray again like when I arrived only not quite as wet and rainy. I stood on the bridge and watched the people heading to work. I’d like to believe I did not stand out as l’Americain. This had come to feel like home.

I returned to my apartment for a quick stop and resigned myself to going to Starbucks down the street. At least I could do a little comparison shopping at a semi-familiar place. I was not willing to risk having a mediocre cup of coffee at a new café--rather to have something vaguely familiar. And then I saw it—the night time bars removed from my favorite haunt and “Voila!” they were open for business ☺.

I finally felt confident enough to use a little more French with the Madame.
“Comment allez vous?”
“Bien et tu?”
“Tres bien,” I said, but in truth I was a little sad. Still I ordered my breakfast. “Je voudrais un grand café au lait et un croissant, s’il vous plait.” (This was a far cry from the stumbling, “Uhhhh????” of a week ago ☺.)
For one last time, my coffee came in its beautiful China cup. The espresso served first followed by the little pitcher of warm milk. The croissant tasted especially buttery and fresh this morning. Pure heaven!

As I prepared to leave the café, I told the shopkeeper that I loved her shop and thanked her for her recommendations as well as telling her it was my last morning. She said, “Wait! I have something for you. You will like it—a souvenir to take back with you.” She left and came back with a straw “Jean Millet” tote bag and a nice little French pastry cookbook. Tres bien!

As I left the shop, there was one more surprise for me—Madame Martine and Ginger were coming up the street. I said, “Au revoir and it was a pleasure meeting you.” Martine told me not to be so sad for leaving Paris. It would always be there.

“It is in my heart”, I told her.
She said, “See you again. You will be back. Same place” and she pointed to Millet.

Nothing will ever compare to this first amazing trip. It was exactly what I needed to do for me. As I walked through rue Cler slowly breathing in the morning, I knew that I was a different person than the one who arrived eight days ago. I was more of me. It was like I found a piece of myself that had been tucked away for awhile.

I strolled once more through the market. The locals had their shopping carts and the dogs were out en masse (in a very lovely sort of way.) It was a little drizzly and threatened to rain, but that never happened. I visited the streets that were foreign to me a week ago that now felt like home. I snapped a few more shots—stalked a few more dogs—enjoyed the lovely aging people. As Tess said, “The older women are not ‘invisible’ here.” (I think I would love to grow old in France with my little shopping cart and sensible yet still stylish shoes ☺).

When I turned the corner to go back to my apartment for one last time, I saw the taxi. My taxi—15 minutes early. The cab driver was polite, but not talkative. The trip to the airport felt like the final scene of a movie complete with operatic soundtrack. We toured through the Right Bank (a place I spent very little time). I saw sights I had missed along the way—the couture houses, Hermes and others. Then up the Champs de Elysee and back to the Arc de Triomphe where it all started.

Au revoir, Paris. Je t’aime!

Thursday
Mar062008

where have all the poodles gone? paris #8

Sitting here on my last morning in Paris I find myself wondering...where have all the poodles gone? Paris is full of dogs. Big dogs. Little dogs. White dogs. Black dogs...actually mainly white dogs. (Hmmmm...wonder what's up with that?) Les chiens are on the Metro, in the cafes and fine restaurants, strolling through the parks and along the Seine. In all of my wanderings and dog stalking, however, I only came across one poodle!! But oh what a poodle he is!!!

I would like for you to meet Ginger. Ginger belongs to Martine who in return speaks lovingly of her very own Mr. Darcy. Tess and I met Martine & Ginger at my favorite little neighborhood patisserie, Jean Millet. They occupy the far corner table and have done so for 15 1/2 years (which happens to correspond with Ginger's age.) Martine described Ginger as a "confused male poodle" since he has lived with a female name for his long life. He was thus named because of his beautiful color. Currently Ginger is deaf and basically blind, but continues to enjoy his morning stroll and cafe sitting with Madame Martine who is a definite treasure herself. Oh, Paree...you have to love it!!!

See more chiens (pups) at lucy creates!!!

Thursday
Mar062008

Absorbing Paris--reflection #7

"Paris is to be absorbed in through the pores...sensing it and feeling it rather than seeing and doing. When you sit at that cafe with that glass of French wine and write in your journal (or on your maps and guidebooks!) raise a glass to yourself for giving yourself this amazing gift!"

This wonderful quote was given to me by Kate I before I left for Paris. Today as I find myself just a little melancholy as I must attend to the details of preparing to leave Paree tomorrow, I wanted to make sure Kate knew I succeeded in following her wonderful recommendation. Here is an excerpt from yesterday's journal:

Today I am pinching myself. Everything is so delicious...so French...sitting in Cafe Panis at rue LaGrange across from Notre Dame. It is still cold, but the sun is shining. My kir champagne was just poured and I shall toast to myself. I am beautiful, brave and in Paris!

Yesterday was one of those magical days where everything fell into place and the day poured on and on with new delights around every corner. I returned for a visit to Notre Dame to sit in remembrance and light a candle for my friend, Allyson, taken from life too soon. I climbed to the top of the tower and stood in the crisp, cold sunny day overlooking the panoramic view of Paris. Absolutely breathtaking!

My next stop was Shakespeare & Company where legends such as Hemingway, James Joyce, George Bernard Shaw and Gertrude Stein went to get their "English fix" for books. (I managed to get a little "fix" myself with a new book of poetry.) The lovely sales clerk gave me the superb recommendation of Cafe Panis where I had my lunch of kir royal au champagne Montgivroux and soupe a l'oignoin gratinee (champagne with raspberry liquer and french onion soup) while being attended to by very handsome and gracious waiters ☺.

A little shopping peppered the morning in the Latin Quarter and a visit to St. Severin Chapel. Later I took my favorite bus (#69) to Pere Lachaise cemetery where I meandered through the ancient tombstones and visited the likes of Collette and Jim Morrison. While I did search for my families' surnames, I had no success. This still has not dampened my assurance that I am indeed part French!

My handy bus then dropped me back by the Louvre where I considered trying my luck again with Venus, but opted instead to visit the amazing Monet water lilies at Musee L'Orangerie. Both before and after the Musee included a stroll through the wonderful Tuilleries gardens.

Leaving the gardens, I walked up the Right Bank toward the Avenue du Champs-Elysees. The best part of this walk was the beautiful sunset over the Seine. I found the Avenue to be much like any major city complete with McDonald's, the Gap and cell phone stores. The prize at the end, however, was the Arc de Triomphe bathed in evening light.

I am not sure if more posts will come directly from Paris, but I know that many more will follow about it. I have only begun to scratch the surface of this amazing gift of a week!! And I know that it has been "absorbed in through the pores" as Kate claimed it must be. Merci!!

A bientot!

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