rhythms and rest

"...whatever you see your soul to desire according to God, do that thing, and you shall keep your heart safe." - the desert fathers

is it appropriate to follow the desert fathers with an Aaarrggh? i've already written this post once, and it disappeared into thin air... no wonder i'm computer-resistant these days!! (note to self - breathe.) ok...early this morning i was sitting here pondering which way my day might flow and an e-mail popped into my inbox. it was from a reader who i've been in correspondence with, and she was wondering if i'm alright and might perhaps be struggling with something i need or want to share. as i responded to her, i realized she had prompted the post for which i was looking these past couple of days. thus, i'm sharing a synopsis of those words here (so in reality, this is the 3rd time i've written this post. Aaarrgghh). one more deep breath.

i find myself to be in an interesting place of internal stillness (i.e. things are quiet not only externally, but also internally as the mindless chatter has slowed to a near nonexistent pace). my husband is out of town for a couple of weeks and my 17 year old daughter requires minimal attention from me, so i have some spaciousness in life and seem to find myself just being. aslan has also attached himself to me like velcro, and it's rather difficult to be "productive" with 9 pounds of purring fluff planted in your lap. consequently, i've chosen to surrender to his masterful spiritual direction and settle into the rhythm.

if there is an overarching struggle, it may have something to do with the multitude of feelings around my young son being incarcerated. it's a challenging road to navigate and one that few (any?) people i know personally have walked. my beautiful boy turns 21 next wednesday, so as i write to you i realize i may be experiencing solitude in solidarity with his solitary confinement.

in contrast, much of my days are spent giving and listening to others which truly feels like gift to me (and hopefully them as well) - so i am listening to my own rhythm as i have the time and it feels perfect. yesterday, i felt like i had a little spa day - i went to yoga early in the a.m., followed by my exercise routine, a stroll in the misty rain, my favorite hot latte and a few hours curled up with zen kitty while finishing a great book.

so, there you go... i hope you don't mind sharing this e-mail response/stream of awareness with me today. it's always such a delight to find a writing prompt through cyberspace. now, it's my turn...

how are the rhythms of your days falling into place? is there spaciousness to experience internal and/or external rest? what would your private "spa day" include?

morning's whirlwind

Focusing on breath, yet finding I scarcely have time to breathe.
Listening to the cat's purr - wishing I could be so content.
From where has this whirlwind of my mind come? How can I make it stop?
I've typed over a thousand words this morning. Breathed a dozen cleansing breaths.
Started and stopped and still...
the tornado of ideas and creations and concerns whirls through my mind,
creating it's own wind tunnel of chaos.

Yesterday, I walked in the wind. I felt Spring's air upon my bare legs -
my skirt floating on the breeze of God and the steps of my desire.
I watched the newly bursting lilac blooms nod to me as I passed by.
A floating kite appeared in the sky, its imaginary string held in my palm.
I paused and naughtily picked a dandelion puff and blew the seeds into the wind,
(being mindful, of course, to avoid the neatly manicured lawn along my path.)

Wind. Breath of God. Ruach.
I write and I recall those moments of bliss,
and in the recollection, I am once again - if only for a moment-
Present.

photo circa 1997 © h3 images - artwork currently on display here and here.

Dancing Molecules

Oh man, I feel like my whole personhood is being reorganized on a molecular level – spiritually, emotionally and physically. Scientifically, this makes a lot of sense, due to my recent experience with Lifespan Integration (LI). LI is a form of therapy said to operate on a cellular level by using principles of neuroscience whereby the body and mind work together maximizing neural plasticity to effect change. Have I lost you? My simple version is that by incorporating body, mind and spirit simultaneously, a new internal map is created in how we experience our lives and the world.

So, … I’ve been feeling slightly spacey the last couple of days, while also experiencing a heightened attunement to my intuitive skills. My right brain has been operating in high gear which has left my language skills lagging a bit behind. Even as I try to write this, I realize all I really want to do is look at pictures and listen to music. I had an irresistible urge to stop and buy daffodils on my way home from the Novena this afternoon. While it may sound as though I've lost my left-brain marbles, Spirit seems to be present at every turn and astounding moments of grace continue showing up.

Last year’s internal battle with exclusion from communion was replaced today by a clearly felt, unhindered invitation to the table. Worshiping in the beautiful chapel, images rolled like a movie through my mind and body. When the time came for a sampling of prayers to be read from the baskets containing hundreds of requests, I was touched by each reading: the nephew in Iraq, a friend with cancer, prayers for healed relationship, and so on. I don’t know about you, but in those moments I always have a little anticipatory wish that my own prayer will be chosen, and today my wish was granted. My heart overflowed as I heard aloud the prayer for my children, and I solidly felt the presence of One greater than I. Another shift in the molecular puzzle clicked into place.

It’s been quite a Lenten season and we’re only midway through. My heart is shifting. My soul is healing. My brain is re-patterning. My molecules are dancing. Who knows where I’m going… but it’s an amazing journey so far.

I’ve missed you and would love to know where you are these days. Stuck? Dancing? Floating? Wandering? Feel any molecular shifts lately?

photos from Old Ballard '10

Gift

Pinned.
I can’t move.
His purr vibrates against my chest.
The rise and fall of breath beneath my palm.
Soft golden fur caresses my fingertips.
Warm breath, steamy on my wrist.

We rise and fall together.
Breathing.
Only this moment exists.
His wisdom says,
“This is enough.”

He shows me what it’s like
To push your way into love & care.
“This is what I need right now.
This is what you need, too,"
I hear the gentle murmur.

No need to rush
Or hurry
Or read
Or think
Just…

Feel the rise and fall
The beating of our hearts
The rhythm of two connected as one
In the gentle breaking dawn

My gift for the day.
Take it with you and
Hold this place of rest
Calm
Stillness
God.

Learn from the wisdom of
This one
Who knows only now
Who knows the embrace of
The one who loves

Summer Soul Singing...Slowly

It’s always hard to know where to pick up when you’ve been away from anything (blogging, home, friends, etc.) Reading Christine’s post, Summertime Slowness, I am reminded to pause and savor these moments as I re-enter home life after being gone for two weeks. The time was spent with my family of four and so I do not feel pressure to catch up with them or recount my time away.

We had a wonderful house sitter, so my home is in order with no need to deep clean or sort through piles of mail. The air is fresh outside and I long to linger in my bed as I catch up on e-mail and sprinkle in a few to-do’s along the way. Amazon Fresh delivered groceries to my doorstep before dawn and my sweet husband put them away and placed fresh flowers in a vase. I have appointments and meetings scheduled throughout the rest of the week, but for now I have the luxury of entering this time slowly.

As I recount my past weeks of travel I am aware that many of the moments I most enjoyed were the seemingly small and slow ones I could savor. Here are a few that come to mind:

• Waking up to the sunshine and delighting in my morning latte
• Watching snails move along the tide pool
  
• A mid-afternoon nap
• Coming face to face with a bunny in a field
• Seeing Christ Church for the first time
• Watching my children surf
• Rubbing the ears of a dog
• Strolling through Central Park
• Feeling my husband’s arm around my shoulder
• Entering the cool of The Cloisters with the rush of the world drifting away
• Singing “How Great Thou Art”
• Sharing a glass of wine with my niece
• Watching the sunset over the Olympic Mountains on our return ride from the airport
  
• Unlocking the door to our home
• Sleeping in my own bed
• Delighting in my morning coffee…

So, how is your summer pace? Are things frantic and rushed or are you allowing yourself time to see and savor each precious moment? Can you name the moments when your soul sings?