Pondering water, life, spring, lent

"Nothing is wasted in the sea; every particle of material is used over and over again, first by one creature, then by another. And when in spring the waters are deeply stirred, the warm bottom water brings to the surface a rich supply of minerals, ready for use by new forms of life." -- Rachel Carson

I'd love to know what these words stir in you...

Dancing Molecules

Oh man, I feel like my whole personhood is being reorganized on a molecular level – spiritually, emotionally and physically. Scientifically, this makes a lot of sense, due to my recent experience with Lifespan Integration (LI). LI is a form of therapy said to operate on a cellular level by using principles of neuroscience whereby the body and mind work together maximizing neural plasticity to effect change. Have I lost you? My simple version is that by incorporating body, mind and spirit simultaneously, a new internal map is created in how we experience our lives and the world.

So, … I’ve been feeling slightly spacey the last couple of days, while also experiencing a heightened attunement to my intuitive skills. My right brain has been operating in high gear which has left my language skills lagging a bit behind. Even as I try to write this, I realize all I really want to do is look at pictures and listen to music. I had an irresistible urge to stop and buy daffodils on my way home from the Novena this afternoon. While it may sound as though I've lost my left-brain marbles, Spirit seems to be present at every turn and astounding moments of grace continue showing up.

Last year’s internal battle with exclusion from communion was replaced today by a clearly felt, unhindered invitation to the table. Worshiping in the beautiful chapel, images rolled like a movie through my mind and body. When the time came for a sampling of prayers to be read from the baskets containing hundreds of requests, I was touched by each reading: the nephew in Iraq, a friend with cancer, prayers for healed relationship, and so on. I don’t know about you, but in those moments I always have a little anticipatory wish that my own prayer will be chosen, and today my wish was granted. My heart overflowed as I heard aloud the prayer for my children, and I solidly felt the presence of One greater than I. Another shift in the molecular puzzle clicked into place.

It’s been quite a Lenten season and we’re only midway through. My heart is shifting. My soul is healing. My brain is re-patterning. My molecules are dancing. Who knows where I’m going… but it’s an amazing journey so far.

I’ve missed you and would love to know where you are these days. Stuck? Dancing? Floating? Wandering? Feel any molecular shifts lately?

photos from Old Ballard '10

when words fail, i turn to nature...

"All of nature is invested with the loving care of an infinitely creative God."

I bind unto myself today
the virtues of the starlit heaven
the glorious sun's life-giving ray,
the whiteness of the moon at even,
the flashing of the lightning free, t
he whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
the stable earth, the deep salt sea,
around the old eternal rocks.

-- excerpted 3/3 Aidan's Readings; Celtic Daily Prayer

photo from paris 3/2008

Internal or External?

Pondering. Resting. Sleeping. Reading. Considering others. Caring for myself. All of these things seem to be the rhythm of my Lenten days. An internal air continues to hover around me and as I just responded to a lovely post at Barefoot Toward the Light, I realize this quiet space feels just right for now. Different for me, but somehow just right.

It has been a simple weekend filled with walks and lots of rest. I've taken care of the few "have to's" on my list and spent the rest of the time tending to relationship - sometimes with my family, often with God, always with me. It feels necessary and good.

In the midst of the internal space, I also received two very outward reminders of my presence in the world which were delightful indeed. Yesterday, I received my very own copy of Awakening the Creative Spirit - a fantastic new book by Christine Paintner and Betsey Beckman, two of my dear friends and colleagues. I highly recommend it for anyone interested in the arts and becoming "fully awake" as today's Lenten verse* highlights. The exciting news for me is that I am the co-writer of Chapter 15 on "Arts-Centered Supervision". You can only imagine my delight to see my authorship officially acknowledged on page 197 (as well as a few other places throughout the book!)

The other 'outward reminder' can be found in visual form where you catch a glimpse of me as spiritual director in this PBS episode on religion. I show up around minute two with my most compassionate face and listening ears. Don't blink or you'll miss my adult TV debut! Seriously, it's a great video covering the topic of spiritual direction. I hope you'll go take a peak!!

OK, that's all I have to share for now. Time to huddle back up with hot tea and my Kindle!

P.S. I'd love to know how your Lenten season is progressing.

*Luke 9:28-36

Shilshole Sailboats - 2.20.10 © lucy

Clean Heart

Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.
Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.
For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.
Against you alone have I sinned;
I have done such evil in your sight
That you are just in your sentence,
blameless when you condemn.
True, I was born guilty, a sinner,
even as my mother conceived me.
Still, you insist on sincerity of heart;
in my inmost being teach me wisdom.
Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure;
wash me, make me whiter than snow.
Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Turn away your face from my sins;
blot out all my guilt.
A clean heart create for me, God;
renew in me a steadfast spirit.
Do not drive me from your presence,
nor take from me your holy spirit.
Restore my joy in your salvation;
sustain in me a willing spirit.

-Psalm 51: 3-14

Well, I have to say this week’s Lent readings from Abbey of the Arts are tapping into my fury at a God of judgment and condemnation. My early personal story contains a history of God principally being defined by fear and rarely offering unconditional love. I also struggle with the notion of being “sinner(s) even as (our) mother(s) conceived (us).”

Today I wonder about the Psalmist and consider perhaps he wrote from his own inner voice of condemnation – passing the buck to God as the One who blames us for sin. For most human beings, it’s much easier to blame outside circumstances or other people rather than look inside and hold our own responsibility. Personally, I would prefer to “blame” myself rather than worship a vengeful God who creates sinners by design.

I’m much more inclined to start with Genesis 1:31 and hear the resounding, “it was very good” than “...born guilty, a sinner, even as my mother conceived me.” Where does the latter fit with “it was very good”?

Lest you think I believe everything is sweet hearts and rosy flowers, I know it is true that we “sin.” We turn away from God. We turn away from ourselves. We turn away from others. The cloak of darkness shrouds us tighter and tighter, especially when we listen to those voices of condemnation and evil. We move toward hate – hating ourselves and thus hating others. I cannot reconcile the discrepancy (and ensuing theological debate) between Genesis and this Psalm other than to consider it as man’s influence in the writing. Perchance he writes from a mind riddled with guilt, thus momentarily forgetting the goodness and light I believe resides in each of us.

This Lenten season, my turning is toward God – toward my inner most self – the one who shows mercy and compassion. If I truly forgive myself knowing all that I have done wrong and felt and been, how can I not forgive others? How can I not find rest and have my joy restored?

By being more compassionate toward myself and thus others, I move toward God. We are all created with a Divine spark – perhaps it is hidden in the clean heart this Psalmist begs for.

I'ao Valley River © lucy
Maui graffiti © lucy