Introvert or Extrovert?
Monday, October 22, 2012 at 12:01 AM Today's post is written by the amazing and effusive Debra Smouse - a self-proclaimed extrovert. While I'm away nurturing my introverted tendencies, Deb is here to offer her personal experience and exploration on the topic of our "natural types." Enjoy!!
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If you’re a reader of all things psychological / business / self-improvement, you may have heard about the book Quiet: the Power of Introverts. It’s a wonderful book full of fascinating research. There is a lot of power in the ability for parents and professionals alike to learn about what it’s like to be an introvert – and how to allow an introvert to develop into their best self.
As the partner of an introvert, this book helped me learn to live with him better, and it especially helped me understand how his recharging needs are often the polar opposite of mine.
My experience has shown me, though, that no matter what kind of child we were by nature – introvert or extrovert – we were chastised for being ourselves. The introverted child may have been told to speak up, but the extroverted child was told to be quiet just as often. Parents and teachers alike want children to succeed in life and the belief that everyone needs to learn to be a good listener and speak up in order to be balanced is understandable.
My single-digit-aged self would take you back in her memories and insist to you that the extroverted kids got the shorter end of the stick. None of the quiet kids were punished with sentence writing, standing in the corner, or being sent to the principal for not-talking too much.
In retrospect, it’s no wonder it takes us a lifetime to unlearn – and recover from - our childhoods!
Hi, I'm Debra 
and I'm an extrovert. If I had been given a dime for every time I had to write the sentence “I will not talk in class," I would be able to supply myself with an unlimited number of salted caramel hot chocolates with financial ease.
Being around other people sends my energy skyrocketing. When I’m grappling with a complex issue, I gain clarity by talking things through. I carry on conversations with the butcher when I go to the grocery store. And any “quick call” with a girlfriend is never really quick.
Though I didn’t quite grasp the long-term effects on me at the time, my work with a corporate psychologist back in 1996 set the wheels in motion for me to begin investigating what I really wanted my life to be like. This was years before I found the courage to go through with my divorce, but it began to put me in touch with the real me, the woman who wanted to live on the outside the way I felt on the inside.
I wanted a life I loved instead of simply hanging on by the knuckles just to exist.
It was then that I began to release those feelings of shame around how being an extrovert had tainted the way I felt about myself, and it all began with a test: The Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Test.
Now, some people think self-assessment tests can confine you to a specific “type,” or put you in a tiny box. I believe, however, that such tests are a great way to hold the mirror up to yourself and say, “Hey, I recognize you!”
After a lifetime of trying to “fit in," recognizing our real self is like the first taste of really good chocolate: the exquisite sense of the world being right.
What a relief to learn that we weren’t bad or flawed. We were born this way.
Isabel Briggs Myers once said “Whatever the circumstances of your life, the understanding of type can make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, and your life closer to your heart's desire.”
Understanding our "natural type" is a wonderful way to dig into all the juicy attributes that make us so powerfully unique. It’s also great tool for learning about our weaknesses, so that we can develop the skills to help us co-exist with those who are different.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally put my foot in my mouth and speak before I think, but it does mean that I forgive myself when it happens. I’ve also learned to embrace my natural exuberance, while still working to become a better listener.
At the same time, understanding that my introverted partner needs to have quiet time in order to recharge after work has taught me that sometimes, going within and practicing stillness does amazing things for my spirit.
Curious about YOUR personality type? The Human Metrics website has a free Typology Test to discover your MBTI along with nifty links to descriptions of each personality type.
I am an extrovert. Hear me talk (but if you’re limited on time, you might want to email me).
What about you? Are you an introvert or extrovert?
(Link for Typology Test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp )
Debra Smouse is a writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle who helps people learn to fall in love with their life. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that everyone woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams. Get social with Debra on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.
Guest Post, Life Coaching
Reader Comments (2)
I’m reading QUIET right now, and although I am an introvert through and through, I’m loving the way this book helps me not only understand this personality trait but ACCEPT it. Yes, I was one of those quiet kids in school that teachers loved, but in the real world that reticence sometimes feels less than valuable.
hey becca - thanks for stopping by and reading. isn't deb fabulous? i was also one of those "quiet" kids in school, but it never felt so comfortable. after i took the typology test, i confirmed that i sit smack in the middle of introvert/extrovert which is also an interesting dynamic to navigate!