Orchard

My branches are weary. They are heavy with fruit that has not ripened--
Like berries that grow to mammoth size yet have no taste.

My burden feels like it will never let go—never ripen. It is hard to see the sweetness of the fruit when the weight is so heavy.

Is the goodness I feel in these days, the pruning of the Lord? Is it the lightening of my load? The tension is heavy and hard. The weight bears down but just before the branch breaks under the weight, I am pruned and the heaviness lifts for a moment.

Is this ‘lifting’ the sweet fruit that is shared with others—my burden raised, as they taste the fruit of harvest?

What does it mean to bear fruit? I don’t want to have the largest crop. The cost is too high. Yet the harvest is great and lives are touched through my bounty. It is bounty born on the tides of pain and suffering.

The storms and winds have pounded the orchard and yet the trees and branches hold firm.
Today, the sun shines, pulling moisture from the ground to bring back balance after the relentless days of rain and darkness.

The Lord is my master gardener. He knows when I need to be tended and when I need to be left alone. He knows when the fruit is ripe and ready to eat. And he knows when it will be nourishing even though I try to eat or share it before it is sweet.
Sometimes I must taste the tartness.

My branches are strong. They will continue to grow and bear much fruit. Relish the rain and the sunshine for both are needed to nurture the orchard.

If I Bring Myself

If I bring myself to you will you rise to meet me or will you flee in fear?
Worse yet, will you advance with attack and retaliation—flinging harm into my face & heart,
using my truth & beauty as weapons against my soul?

“Stand firm,” my heart speaks out. The truth is real.
Stand firm & gently in your beauty.
It will terrify some. They will seek to harm—lashing out with tongues dipped in poison.
But, the poison will turn back to them to be ingested.

You are strong and pure—able to metabolize the poison. Your beauty is not too much.
The truth in your soul is yours and yours alone. Perfectly created & designed; snug inside its cocoon, metamorphosing daily, renewed in the Spirit.

A snake’s venom cannot reach the floating butterfly. Therefore,
Fly away for a time. Rest and feel the wind beneath your wings. Soar.
Remembering the return will be necessary—crucial.
A cocoon is needed for a season not a lifetime.

Spread your wings and share your beauty. It is not too much.

photo by bill hughlett

Diamonds on the Sea

Our lives are filled with beauty, joy & sorrow.
The sorrow enfolds heartache.
Still I cherish your faces in the heartache of my day.
The memory of your voices lifted in song carries me to the sky.
Your tears & laughter fill me with love.

The chains of sadness have been broken & no longer ensnare me.
Their hold is like pesky yarn that occasionally entangles me.
The fear of darkness has faded & the light is glorious.
I see the glow reflecting on the water & gleaming upon the sand.
The waves of life continue to ebb & flow as our lives sparkle on the surface like diamonds.

We are forever entwined, inseparable like drops of water filling the ocean.
Where does one life begin & another end?
They cannot be separated.
We know our tears could fill the ocean, but our joy can lift the sails of 100 parachutes!

Let us remember that we can fly & we need not—must not—drown in sorrow.
The sorrow is sweet because it reminds us from where we have come.
Let it remain sweet & not turn bitter.
Let us drink pure fresh water each day all the while knowing…
the bile may rise again in our throats & need to be expelled from our bodies.

We have come full circle…experienced the richness of life.
Let us live life to the fullest never being afraid to take risks or embrace sorrow.
Without the depths of sorrow, we can never experience the height of joy.
We cannot soar like eagles.
There is no momentum for lift off, if we remain inert on the ground.

Life is a trajectory—it must be—otherwise we slowly, sadly melt into the landscape & disappear.
Our Beauty goes unnoticed when we live in fear.
Therefore, embrace sorrow & joy.
Let the emotions have their way and...
Together, let us sparkle like diamonds on the sea.

photo by bill hughlett

Sister Walk

"When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you and pulling for you. Intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....or carry you for a while..." author unknown

I Can Fly!!!

It is early. The sun has not yet risen but I cannot sleep. I am too excited, because, yesterday I rode the sunset!! I FLEW and it was amazing. To even describe it in writing seems an injustice and I find myself grappling for the words.
Amazing. Incredible. Beautiful. A Dream come true.

I was in the clouds and God was with me. God and my wild angel, Jonny. Soaring, barreling through the sky and being held by the clouds all at the same moment. I never felt like I was falling or feared that I would hit the ground. I was being held up—protected—cared for. It felt out of control and so safe all mixed up together. Terror. Delight. Pure joy. I don’t think I could sustain a belly laugh at 10,000 feet but it was there. Awe. Gratitude. Worship.

The colors were brilliant and yet I can’t remember them even while I see them in my mind. Mt. Hood. St. Helen’s. Adams and Rainier. I was higher than them all. The valleys in their patchwork quilt glory. The feathering clouds reminding me of a Kino sunset. It was my time. My time to fly.

The plane was so tiny it seemed like a toy. The pilot looked about 12 but Jonny assured me he was at least 19 and an excellent pilot. Handsome Mickey was our cameraman. Dressed in his black and white bat suit, he would exit the tiny plane first.

Strapped tighter to Jonny than is probably legal in some states, I knew that he wasn’t going anywhere without me and his foot was stepping onto the tiniest “platform” I had ever seen. Before I knew it, my foot was next to his. The most difficult moment came when my second foot needed to exit and I was to turn my body forward. My body stalled for a second and once again I realized Jonny was going out the door and we were connected. The word “surrender” came to mind (passed onto me by a wise, previous jumper named Jennifer) and then we were free of the plane—“bending like bananas.”

Bombing through the air. It was undoubtedly the most exhilarating sensation I have ever experienced. I can’t even remember having my eyes open. They must have been, however, because there was Mickey filming my free fall. We jumped at 10,000 feet and freefell to 5000—approximately 40 intense seconds.

The cool air. The wind rushing—roaring. I keep coming back to the fact I felt ‘held’. Some people experience it as a buoyancy—for me it was a sense of safety and security in the midst of this incredible speed.

Before I went, my counselor, Kay, described skydiving as a metaphor for my life—“one big freefall.” It feels like an even more appropriate metaphor now, because that is what is happening. I am being held and have a sense of safety and security in the midst of this warp speed, crazy, beautiful life that is mine. Thank you, Lord.

And—I’ve only described the exit and freefall. Wow! Then the canopy opened and we were floating. Calm. Still. Beautiful silence.

“Take off your goggles,” Jonny said “and just chill. Relax.” Then, “you want to spin?” and we were turning around to see the countryside and evidently doing flips too. Yikes! Yea! What fun!!!!

All I could say was “oh” over and over again. It was kind of like sex in a crazy sort of way. Awe and worship. Beauty and feeling beyond description. Gratitude. Gratitude for being alive—for God’s creation—for being brave enough to live a dream and being brave enough to simply live my life to the fullest.

I am grateful for my brother, Dave who heard my dream and helped make it happen. I am grateful for my wonderful husband, Bill who recorded the event and supported me along the way. I am also grateful for my beautiful daughter, Janey and her friend Hannah who thought I was a little crazy at the beginning of the day but by the end wanted to be 18 so they could go for a ride too.

I also carried with me all of my wonderful friends who continue to soar through this life with me. I love you all. I am so blessed and for the moment I am out of words. But never fear…

Upon further reflection, I realized I forgot to mention the landing. It reminds me of being in flight and not wanting that to end either. “It’s too short,” I said to Jonny as we were nearing the landing field.

“Knees bent. Toes up. Here we go,” Jonny said. “We’re going to land standing up.” The next thing I knew, we hit the ground and my guardian angel tumbled over my back. We had not in fact landed standing nor had we scooted in on our butts—the norm for tandem landing.

“Are you all right?” What an understatement! I was fabulous!!! I had just completed the ride of my life. Beautiful. Amazing. Terrifying. Wonderful. And the metaphor continues….

Peace;

photos by bill hughlett