Knowing God. Knowing Self.

God has met me this week through the words of Henri Nouwen. Monday morning as I sat shocked and reeling from my experience at church on Sunday, questioning my faith and hearing voices of my past and present telling me I had to know God their way to be “saved”, I opened Nouwen’s The Only Necessary Thing and these words greeted me:

"Once I “know” God, that is once I experience God’s love as the love in which all my human experiences are anchored, I can only desire one thing: to be in that love.”

Those words were like a warm hug enwrapping my small and oh so human body. Because, you see, I know that I have experienced the love to which Nouwen refers and I experienced it yet again in that very moment as tears of joy and surrender trailed down my face. There was nowhere else I desired to be. The voices of others faded away and only the voice of God commingled with mine existed.

The other “voices” that continue to battle for my attention are the ones that say “Self-knowledge is dangerous. It is selfish to consider yourself over others. You must only listen to the word of God (i.e. Scripture) for clear understanding.” With those voices I translate, “Don’t look inside yourself. You cannot be trusted. Only trust others who know more than you (i.e. pastors and scholars).” The battle is that I really don’t believe the translation and find myself caught between knowing that I can trust myself and realizing that the battle still rages on.

And so I share Nouwen’s words that greeted me today (I realize I have just spoken of being wary of only trusting “wiser” others, however, the difference for me lies in the words having resonance rather than dissonance in my soul.) His words definitely fall into the resonance category for me. See Reeling? Healing? Kneeling? for an example of dissonance ☺.

"The mystery of the spiritual life is that Jesus desires to meet us in the seclusion of our own heart, to make his love known to us there, to free us from our fears, and to make our own deepest self known to us. In the privacy of our heart, therefore, we can learn not only to know Jesus, but through Jesus to know ourselves as well…Each time you let the love of God penetrate deeper into you heart, you lose a bit of your anxiety; and every time you shed a bit of your anxiety, you learn to know yourself better and long all the more to be known by your loving God.

Thus the more you learn to love God, the more you learn to know and to cherish yourself. Self-knowledge and self-love are the fruit of knowing and loving God. You can see better now what is intended by the great commandment to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself.” Laying our hearts totally open to God leads to a love of ourselves that enables us to give whole-hearted love to our fellow human beings. In the seclusion of our hearts we learn to know the hidden presence of God; and with that spiritual knowledge we can lead a loving life.”

Again, I experienced the warm knowing that God was speaking directly to my heart--A heart desiring self-knowledge not because it is “selfish” but because it desires “to know the hidden presence of God…and lead a loving life.”

Amen.

How and where do you meet God? What are the battles that rage inside your head?

Passion and Glory

“Participation in glory is the greatest thrill one can have on this earth.” When I heard these words spoken recently by Professor Dan Allender something stirred deep within me. Glory and passion seem uniquely intertwined. As I shared the post, “Passionate Loess” I thought I was relaying my witness of one man’s passion. I was pleasantly surprised by how this witness stirred others to consider their own passion.

My passion is seeing other people come alive. It is something that comes in the most unexpected of times and places. I have seen glory in perfect transformation when a woman long bent over from the weight of her world stood tall with a new awareness shining upon her face. I saw glory as an addict realized that his hunger for drugs was representative of a deeper longing and he chose to nourish his soul rather than his habit. I see glory when my readers here struggle through their own process to name their passion. Many passionate comments were made in response to the post, and they were a delight to read. Two readers actually went on to make their own posts regarding passion. I hope you will take the time to visit Tess and Sunrise Sister.

Gabrielle in her comments referred to my Lenten prayer where I wrote “That is my work, my joy, and…my Lenten prayer (my Life prayer)—to be fighting with and on behalf of truth and beauty for myself and others. Seeking the beauty and glory that we may not be able to see in ourselves. Fighting the battle alongside each other. While I know we must do it for ourselves, we do not have to do it alone. We can travel this path together—learning from one another.”

Thank you to those who are willing to join me on this path and share your passions and fears with Lucy. Together we can participate in glory, experiencing “the greatest thrill one can have on this earth.”

Here’s to a glorious and passion-filled weekend.

photo by bill hughlett

Passionate Loess

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” --Howard Thurman

Have you ever watched a grown man turn into an excited little boy right before your eyes? Or witness a woman so filled with energy that she glows like a kid at the circus? Those transformational moments are Passion—with a capital P. They are life-giving not only for the participant, but also for the lucky bystanders.

We can find passion in the most ordinary of things. I can only imagine the delight and playfulness that God has for creation. Saturday, I had the pleasure of witnessing a man share his passion. Kevin Pogue is a professor of geology (among other things) at Whitman College in Walla Walla and this past weekend led a tour of the wine country land around the area.

While I enjoy a nice glass of wine, I am certainly no connoisseur; and, although I love digging in my garden, I distinctly remember being bored to death in my freshman geology class (Rocks with Ross) at Oklahoma State University. Saturday, however, the earth came alive and took on new dimensions as we stood in the hot Eastern Washington sun mesmerized by our tour guide.

We learned about basalt and loess (a fancy word for dirt) and the Walla Walla valley’s alluvial fan (a term I kind of remembered from geology class). We heard how finer grapes are produced when the root has to struggle for water. We were wowed by a vineyard planted in 30 feet deep river rock with flourishing rose bush sentries guarding each row.

All of those things were delightfully captivating and upon reflection I wondered how that happened to be. Now it could be that I have matured and my attention span increased since my freshman geology class over 30 years ago. Possibly it is because I have significantly more interest in the earth and creation that surrounds me every day. While both observations are probably true, I would have to say the magic of the day came in watching and listening to someone do what they truly love. Think about this, he was talking about DIRT for goodness sake.

Nevertheless, when he stood on the side of a small “Grand Canyon,” warned us to steer clear of the rim that has been known to “spontaneously disintegrate” and then said, “what the heck” and charged off the side of the cliff, he became a young spirit romping through the tall, probably rattlesnake-infested grass to show us what he wanted to communicate. While we gasped from our safe viewpoint and muttered, “Oh, I wish he hadn’t done that,” the earth transformed from just dirt and the man transformed from a middle-aged person into a passionate being that made even the most inert of objects (rocks and dirt) become exciting and interesting. It was truly a gift to behold and experience. Now that is Passion!

Oh, that we could all find what makes us come alive. Tell me. What is your passion? Do you know?

photos by bill hughlett (another man sharing his passion!)

Pay Attention

"Our purpose is that which we most passionately are when we pay attention to our deepest selves." --humanitarian, Carol Hegedus

photo by lucy

Waiting for Ruwach

I had a lightbulb moment today and found a new connection for the three words (waiting, breath & spirit) from my previous post. It occurred to me that while I have been pondering a new way of breath, God has been waiting for me to make the connection. I wonder how often that happens? I usually think that I am waiting for God, but today it feels a bit more mutual.

Something I had temporarily forgotten is that Breath and Spirit are both translations of the Hebrew word Ruwach (also translated as wind). In my "moment," I had the sense that I am being called to a new way to consider the Holy Spirit. I'm not exactly sure what it means but it feels really good and very freeing. It feels like new breath, a sweet wind blowing and the spirit of my heart lifting high. It feels whole, connected and embodied.

In my Awakening the Creative Spirit class a couple of weeks ago, I kept saying how whole and full I felt and the word "embodied" seemed very important. I did a word search and landed on this definition of embody--to provide a spirit with a physical form. This names the fullness I feel.

My dolphin studies also say when dolphin shows up it is time to breathe some new life into yourself. And, then today I ran across the tradition that the early Christians viewed dolphin as a symbol of salvation. Breath. Spirit. New life. Salvation. Coincidence or new possibilites to consider? How will I choose to view Spirit--inside a box or wide open in the world?

(A little aside here--there was a dolphin prominently featured in the Seattle Times this week AND my friends in Mexico called to tell me some wonderful dolphin stories...so my dolphin totem continues to inspire.)

One final thought (for now) is that almost three years ago, I received what I believe was an amazing prophecy and these words have been stirring within me recently:

Feel the wind. The wind blows hard. The wind is blowing our family in a new direction. Guide the sails through Me.

A new way to breathe-- To experience the wind-- To feel the Spirit?