What I did on my Summer Vacation...

“Transitions of the past have opened the doors to my future.”

My last post contained the above words and my pondering over the last few days has led me to see how true the sentiment rings. Last spring, it felt like doors were closing every day. A significant change was leaving the job I held for three years at the graduate school where I completed my own masters degree. I adored that work, but knew it was time to move on. With that closing, I could not be certain of what might open ahead.

Over the course of the spring and summer, I found my facilitation time with Soltura slowing down and feeling like the intensive focus of the past three years was taking on a new shape, and that season of my life was shifting too.

In many ways my summer was spent grieving those losses and also learning how each of them has been a gift preparing me for the future. During my "summer vacation", my dreams began to manifest in tangible ways. Not satisfied with my private practice office, I let myself dream about new space. I wanted something spacious with a welcoming atmosphere. I preferred to be able to walk or easily take the bus. On August 1, I launched my “new and improved” practice in a wonderful yoga studio just blocks from my home. A new website, Diamonds in the Soul, followed. Business cards were designed and ordered. And the creating continued. More doors began to open.

This week, I am offering a complimentary preview workshop to several women who might not otherwise be able to attend. It is a blend of expressive arts, experiential therapy and spiritual direction. The space is full with eight women (and an overflow list, too ☺.) I am so excited I can hardly stand it! I have been reading like crazy, taking notes, gathering music, selecting images for collage, making lists of supplies, choosing poems and refining what I will have time to share in our few short hours.

The follow-up (or official workshop) will be held on October 3 at St. Placid Priory near Lacey, Washington. Reservations are being accepted now and I would love to have you join me! Check it out here and let me know if you are interested.

Another door is shared with the lovely Christine of Abbey of the Arts. We will again be offering a supervision group for compassionate listeners. Our initial group for 2009-2010 has filled and we have had inquiries about offering a second group, this one entitled Soul Care Supervision (Click on the link to check it out.) If you are anywhere near Seattle and are interested, let us know. (A participant drove from Vancouver B.C. last year and vowed it was worth the drive!)

One of the additional fruits of my supervision work with Christine is that I am going to be officially published as co-author of the chapter on using the arts in spiritual direction supervision in the upcoming book she and Betsey Beckman have written. It will be available in February of 2010. How exciting is that?!??!

As you can see, my creativity and exuberance are over-flowing. Who would have guessed where those closing doors would lead? My summer vacation was indeed dream-packed! And I haven’t even mentioned my upcoming Soul Collage Facilitator training or my pilgrimage to Ireland ☺. Stay tuned for further details.

My party of the heart continues as I learn how to give and receive my gifts in love. I invite you to share in the excitement with me. Please let me know if any of the upcoming events are of interest to you. And by all means, let me know what doors are opening (or closing) for you as we say good-bye to summer.

Peace.

images taken on my summer vacation - location - the cloisters, nyc

People Watching

The following poem evolved from a couple of things - Memory from a Zeta Sister and Invitation to Poetry: Moments from Abbey of the Arts.

Do they know who they will become?
Are they already there?

Pink crocs and purple cast, she floats
across the playground.
Will she be a nurse mending others or
the daredevil breaking bones?

Tiny son in his own blue crocs,
raises his voice to the sky.
Budding opera singer? Talk show host?
Perhaps a bellowing father.

Newborn babes & scampering tots,
mothers, fathers, aunties too.
Do they know who they will become?
Are they already there?

The merry-go-round spins
faster and faster.
Which moments of the blur will
stand in clarity?

Bell bottom jeans, peasant top
& flowing hair, she sits upon the campus wall.
Could she know who she would become?
Was she already there?

Perhaps it is middle age or psychotherapy that has me remembering moments of my past, but I continue to be fascinated by what I am learning about my life. Recent discoveries have led me to consider the "clues" to who I have become that were there all along the way.

The things I loved as a child (which I thought I had forgotten) are still the things I love today. My authentic tendencies (not necessarily those imposed upon me by others) have been with me from ages 5 to 15 to 50.

So, what do you think? Did you know who you would become? Were you already there? Can you see the clues that were there along the way?

photo from Paris, 2008

Do Not Drop

I am feeling restless lately. Have for several days. I want to write and can’t seem to string two coherent sentences together. I have volumes to say AND absolutely nothing at all. Life feels full with lots to do AND I have spaciousness that sits like a parched gully waiting for the rain to fill. I feel edgy and restless. I have tried everything. (My inner monk says, “Stop trying.”) Meeting with friends. Taking naps. Walks. Yesterday I danced. Now, that was fun and cool and removed the restlessness for awhile (and I hope to come back and write that little story ☺.) But for now…

Today would have been my father’s 90th birthday. Happy Birthday, Daddy! He was a long-distance truck driver and I believe had a bit of the wanderlust in him. Last year at this time I took off on my “Baby Road Trip.” I have felt the same call recently, but cannot quite bring myself to do it. It is so odd. I don’t feel blue or sad or empty or any of those other things. I just feel restless. I wonder if that is how my dad felt? I wonder if this is the time of year where I sense his presence stronger and somehow inhabit his restlessness. I imagine that might sound a little kooky to some of you. I’m not talking about channeling my father like a Whoopie Goldberg impersonation from “Ghost.” I am referring to an embodied sense. His blood flows through my veins. Perhaps he had DNA that drove him to hit the road and that DNA stirs up in me around his birthday which also happens to be a few short weeks before the anniversary of his death – September 12.

Who knows? Maybe it’s all in my head, but you know what? I don’t think that’s totally it. It didn’t even dawn on me that any of this was happening until I was out for a jog a couple of days ago with my i-Pod shuffling away and Jimmy Buffett’s song, Big Rig*, came on. I stopped in my tracks and had another “moment” with my dad. Crazy? I don’t think so. Connected? Restless? Present? You bet.

Like I said, I am having trouble stringing two coherent sentences together, but it still felt important to put this out there for myself and for my dad – and maybe even for you? Do you ever feel sensations like restlessness or grief or something that you can’t quite put your finger on? Have you experienced “anniversary dates” in your body before they popped into your mind? Have you ever thought about something like this?

*"I wish I was a big rig
Rollin' on home to you
I wish I was a big rig
A big rig baby
Rollin' on home to you"
--Jimmy Buffett

"Do Not Drop" - lucy, late 1960's

Unfinished

Process versus product. Do those words resonate with you? How about journey versus destination?

It is a beautiful gray morning in Seattle. Now mind you I am not a huge fan of gray but it does allow me to light my morning candles and come to a place of contemplation that the brilliant sun makes a bit more difficult. I am pondering a recent conversation with a friend who seems to viciously struggle with not having “it” (life, faith, herself) all figured out. As I listened to her I wondered if she realized that no one has it all figured out. No One…and if they try to tell you they do, guess what, they’re full of IT!

When I consider my own role in similar struggles, I often return to the idea of being “unfinished”. There may be a final product for which I strive, but it is in the process that all of the meaty stuff really happens. If I am “finished,” then what? This is a concept that has helped me throughout my journey, especially when I find myself in places where I feel like the process may never stop. At least I am present enough to feel my emotions – to wrestle with the issues – to enjoy the value of a gray day. The alternative is a pretty numb and lifeless existence.

Today I invite you to consider how you spend your days. Do you strive for product or are you awake to the beauty of process? Are you so focused on the destination that you miss the intricacies of the journey? Does it have to be one or the other? Could it be both? How about keeping an eye on the destination while enjoying the music of the ride? How about remembering the sun still shines even though the clouds cover it for now?

Wishing you a Sacred Sunday and days that follow!

'heart of daisies' lakebay 6.09

rites of passage

If you haven’t checked out my tagline recently, now would be a good time. The more I learn, the less I know. It seems whether it be about self-exploration or broadening horizons in general, this axiom holds true. Beginning the road to self-discovery is enlightening and it is a bit like opening Pandora’s box. There’s really no going back once you’ve started. And just when I think I’ve looked at every aspect of my personal being (or not), something new pops up. It really is the beauty of being an unfinished woman.

My latest case in point came as I was reading William Bridges classic book, Transitions. In it Bridges talks about rights of passage and how the modern culture has basically done away with formal markings of passage. Thus we have to make up our own and it is not usually done with any intentionality in mind. It may just kind of happen. Bridges says:

“It’s worth reflecting on this early transition (i.e. coming of age) in your life because that point may set the style for your later transitions.”

Being the ponderer that I am, I spent some time with Bridges’ suggestion. And here is what I discovered:

It often takes a really BIG stick to move me out of an established pattern and into transition. You know…things like, say, near death experiences. Mine have been more in the spiritual, emotional and even metaphorical realm, but I also had huge life transitions after each of my parents’ physical death.

This “big stick” theory led me to recall the midwife who helped birth my son saying “You have a really high tolerance for pain.” Yep. I can put up with a lot for a really long time before the pain finally gets to be too much. This can be both a very positive trait (Parenting is a great example as is working as a psychotherapist); AND it can be harmful in terms of my own health (spiritual, emotional and physical). The cool thing is with this new knowledge, I can decide if and how I want to proceed since I might pick up on my pattern a little sooner. Actually, I believe I have already started to do so. This new knowledge just gives a different way to frame how and why I repeat patterns in my life.

My invitation today is that you, too, consider Bridges’ suggestion. What did the early transition in your life look like? When did you “know” you were no longer a child? Can you see ways this ‘right of passage’ has followed you into adulthood? I’m going to keep pondering. I hope you will too!

photos from bermuda, 5.09