Anxious B's Careen Down Eternity: #whyiwrite
Wednesday, June 28, 2017 at 10:02 AM by Kayce Stevens Hughlett
I am a writer. It’s who I am and what I be. However, it’s not always what I do. Sometimes writing looks a lot like cleaning out closets, strolling around my neighborhood, or perusing photos I’ve taken. Other times it is serious business, like this past week as I prepared my new book manuscript to send off to a structural editor (i.e. someone who will tell me if the labyrinth of my mind holds together for outside readers).
There are so many steps in creating a book and the steps seem to change with each project I complete, kind of like life. I’m honing my ability to listen for the best “next step” and trusting that small or large moves will continue to carry my project(s) forward.
I don’t have a single genre that I focus on, unless there is one designated: being present to life. Each of my works has had its own pathway to publication. I’ve written a daily meditation guide (As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life) and a surreal novel featuring three heroines and a chatting peacock (Blue: a novel). This time the storyline is a travel memoir where the places I’ve visited are containers for the experiences that have helped form my adult life.
After sending off my new manuscript, I made a pact with myself that I WOULD NOT FIDDLE with the book anymore until I hear back from the editor. Do you know how hard that is?!?!? I start to second guess myself. Is the beginning strong enough? Do I really love the ending? And what about all those horses? Will my kids agree to publish the parts of their story? What is in those first 50 pages? Did I disguise those characters well enough?
It’s enough to drive a girl mad. I’ve cleaned my closet, done laundry, tidied up the house, updated my financial records, watched the whole season of “Glow” on Netflix, watered my yard, tried to sit still and read or meditate, gone to yoga, & more. It’s been 36 hours and our appointment to talk isn’t for 8 more days!! What’s a girl to do?
I found a great distraction in Deena Metzger’s classic book, Writing for Your Life.
Write freely for ten minutes, one word following another in alphabetical order. Afterward, take the word or phrase that is most surprising or unusual for you and improvise upon it.
Here’s one of my examples (I did five in ten minutes).
Anxious bitches careened down eternity. Freedom grew. Harried islands jammed kisses, luscious mushy noshes, over precious quotidian realms. Siesta. Timetravel. Understanding vials where xanthum yearned. Zareen.
Yes, it may be unedited gibberish, but it’s a fascinating way to keep my writer’s brain occupied and as things seem to go in my life, it helped me dive a bit more into the ancestral hints in my memoir without having to disturb the manuscript. Bonus! (The following is also unedited).
Anxious bitches careened down eternity. Some I knew, others I did not. The ones I knew shared my DNA. I’d never envisioned them as anxious, only as bitches. The stern-faced ones who wielded wooden spoons and lipstick like swords on a battlefield.
I see my Grandmother Moore careening down the hallway as only a woman of stature can careen. Instead of a spoon, she wields her open palm aimed at my four-year-old bare butt. I couldn’t get my panties pulled up fast enough. That was the problem. My bare butt. Her anxiety. The pious man in the other room. Grandmother was anxious, not evil.
The women of my lineage have been careening down eternity forever—for eternity—only to be stopped by open palms and overbearing egos. Egos that worry about what others think. That say we’re not smart enough or brave enough or enough enough.
I careened into my own resistance until the palm print on my bare behind reddened into the shape of my own hand. I am the one who puts up the stop sign. Well, sisters, no more! Let the careening begin, full throttle forward!!
What stops you from moving forward? Are you listing toward freedom or stuck in your own tracks? I invite you to take some time to ponder this. Play with words. Play period. If you need a starting point, set your timer for 5 or 10 minutes and explore the above prompt.
Or give me a definition for ZAREEN, please.
Need a witness? Feel free to share with me. I could use the distraction. {wink}
I'm writing a new book! It's a travel memoir that covers the road from Oklahoma good girl to risk-taking globetrotter. Mainly, it's a journey toward voice :) In the meantime, I hope you'll take a peek at BLUE: a novel and As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life.
Live it LIVE with my SoulStrolling partner, Sharon Richards and me this summer. Check out our mini-retreats here.
Reader Comments (2)
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