growing pains...mine or hers?
Saturday, February 16, 2008 at 6:42 PM 
How do you protect someone who is spreading her wings? When is it time for the mother bird to push her baby from the nest? What happens when the baby jumps before the mother is ready? Are they lost to each other forever? Does the mother try to push the baby back into the nest or does she come alongside her young and help them learn to fly?
The natural world is brutal. So is the human world. Can I live with myself if I do not protect her? Can I even protect her? Nothing is in my control especially this bright, spirited young woman. “You have raised an amazing daughter,” she said to me. “You gave birth to a great person.” She is so right, so when will I trust her? When does she stand up and walk on her own two feet? She was so cautious as a baby; waiting until she was sure she could walk. Watching to see that no one knocked her over. Is she still so cautious? She has learned to walk and now she says she is ready to fly. Will I smother her inside the nest to keep her safe? Or will I let her leap, knowing that she may fall? Lord, help me.
Reader Comments (9)
Definitely sounds like time for a team meeting...see you tomorrow!
Letting them fall breaks our hearts....some times there is no other way. Our prayer is that they survive their flight. They will look back some day and say "why didn't someone/you help me or tell me?" We try, we tried - Lord help all parents to do the best they can do!
Being a parent seems to get harder as they get older - probably because we can't stay in control of their environment.
For our 15 year old, I reckon that I can trust the bits where I see her mother and I coming through; for the rest we just have to trust in God... and pray... and worry... and pray more...
azure--see what you will, but for me, right now, this feels like a very natural process of learning to let go.
SS--yes, Lord help ALL the parents, at whatever stage of life they are.
ER--thank you for your words. i so agree! the one i write of here is also 15. it's funny that you mention "the bits" you see coming through. those are the ones i trust, too. they are familiar.
trust. pray. worry. pray. yep, that about sums it up!
Ah, my friend -
Daughters. My daughter Rose is such an amazing young woman ... and we are very close. I am grateful that she feels she can talk with me about anything and everything, but sometimes, I must admit, it is hard to hear her truths. It blows me away because it feels as though she was 3 years old just yesterday! Time DOES fly. We have college visits coming up over the next several months; I am thrilled for her and applaud her talents and abilities ... but it's hard to imagine her not physically being part on my every day. OK, she's only a junior, so I have time to relax. But still ...
I am yours
You are mine
You are what you are
And you make it ... hard
And you make it ... hard ..."
-Crosby, Stills, Nash
I very much agree with what ER stated.
My oldest is 16 and with her driving soon....ugh!
Alas, I'm afraid I’m of little or no help with such questions since I've not been there or done this parenting thing myself ... but I suspect if you trust your heart and pray always you'll know what to do and when to do it. As a teacher, I know kids learn more from our actions than our words ... and it seems to me you "walk your talk" with clarity and genuineness. I suspect you’ll both be fine no matter what.
Hugs and blessings,
dream--sounds like a lovely relationship between you and rose! she has an amazing mom!!! i also love the song lyrics. boy do they resonate.
HGF--a few more months before we hit the driving stage, but she has a few friends that are starting to drive and i have to admit that i really hate it!! as ER said, we can't control their environments any more.
storyteller--i hope she sees what you see. it seems that 15 year olds only see what they want to see and i am not sure whether she can appreciate me as a full person yet or if she just sees me as mom--the one she needs to bump up against to find her way.