making sense of glorious chaos...
Thursday, February 26, 2009 at 8:12 AM 
The season of Lent is upon us. I gather snippets here and there. I hunger for them like crumbs sprinkled on an orphanage floor. I read words written by others. I pause and listen to the birds calling as they scratch for food and seek their own crumbs beneath the surprising snow that covers the morning ground. I am in awe of all the beauty that surrounds me. Jan Richardson says, "Ash Wednesday beckons us to cross over the threshold into a season that's all about working through the chaos to discover what is essential." I feel caught in the midst of a glorious chaos - standing at a crossroads of what to allow into my life and what to sift out.
I was touched by Sunrise Sister's poem about Ash Wednesday and also her post regarding her personal experience of the day. Here is the response I wrote to her: "i experienced my first marking with ashes last night. it was a ceremony of mixed emotions. i did not hear the words "from dust you were born, to dust you will return," but more words of repentance...i wrestle with what repentance means to me and what the old voices tell me it "should" mean. it would have been easier to hear "from dust to dust." ah, but this journey is not about the easy way is it?"
This morning continued my beautiful wrestling to find meaning in the chaos. Learning how to marry my old traditional ways (that have felt narrow in recent years) with the broader and bigger God that I am discovering. Abbey of the Arts shares her poetic and thoughtful vision of what her Lenten practice will and will not include. I have yet to name for myself what it means, but the words God is getting bigger keep weaving their way through my musings. I guess that is a start. It feels like this season is one of making space for a God who wants more presence in my life and more distinction. Distinction is an interesting word to me, because on the one hand it can feel limiting, but in this case it feels expansive and lovely.
Traditionally Lent is considered a time of fasting and repentance. Maybe I shall fast from the old ways of doing things. Perhaps I will repent of not being true to myself and how I desire my relationship with God to be. Hmmm...I think I'll ponder this a little more.
And you? Have you made plans for Lent? Will you experience it as a time of turning inward or one of expansion? Maybe the two are not so very different...
photos taken this morning on my walk
Lent
Reader Comments (7)
My focus might be both inward and outward. I find myself sucking in all manner of spiritual writing and just reveling in it. Merton speaks to me every day, I find comfort in the words of Jan R, Abbey, Lucy, Epiphany Girl, CP.....it goes on and on. It's like a plate of delicious appetizers that continues to pass by and be refilled with new and interesting tastes. And all of this internalization of "others'" words - they keep rumbling around in me and then jumping right up to be shared in my version of what's happening in my life here at the beginning of Lent....yep, inward/outward, slow easy breathing. Maui time, it'll do it to ya!
xoxo
It seems that you have claimed a focus or two for these Lenten days, all part of the circle of life that you eloquently write of in your poem. Blessings on your days and nights!
SS--your words get more poetic by the maui moment and that makes me very happy :-)
thymekeeper--thank you!
Lucy - Thank you! Sabbaticals, sabbaticals, now I understand why writers, philosophers, etc. spirit themselves away to rest and refill!
I have decided to expand my prayer life. While I pray daily especially since I teach in a Catholic school, I don't make enough time for personal meditation. Already this morning I realize that I grabbed the computer rather than grabbing that lifeline to God. So I will take pause today and intently seek God. Thank you for your reminder that we are in this time of Lenten growth.
Yesterday afternoon at the end of a much too full week I was tired and God felt much smaller than usual. Then acupuncture, massage, good food, snuggling with Tune, and a long night's sleep, God feels wide open again. I am definitely paying attention.
ripgurl--that grabbing the computer first is one nasty habit i need to break...lent may be the perfect time to attempt that! thanks for nudging me along :-)
aota--i can feel the cycle of life in those few words of yours. it's kind of like plumbing, we have to keep the pipes clear so the flow can happen.
signed, super plumber :-)