With gratitude for shy girls and long hallways…
Thursday, June 6, 2013 at 12:30 PM 
Under a Paris bridge - 2013It’s a long, scary hallway from being a painfully shy child growing up in Oklahoma to taking risks and standing vulnerably as a speaker before groups of strangers around the world.
Shy. Painfully shy… if you’ve lived in this state of being then you know exactly what I’m talking about… that urge to open your mouth and say something—anything—to fit in or be seen while all the while your inner voice is telling you to Shut up. Stay silent. You’ll never fit in and if they see you, well… they’ll only laugh.
Painful? It is pure agony, but at the time it seems like the safest thing to do… the only thing really.
Central Cemetery - Vienna 2013It’s a long hallway from the little girl so afraid to raise her hand in class that she left a puddle underneath her 1st grade desk to the woman who stood atop a table and gleefully shouted at 80 workshop participants.
Along the hallway was the 4th grade Christmas play where one line made my stomach roil to the point of hurling. And then there were the first dates in high school that never turned into second ones because all I could do was nod and mutely smile like Mona Lisa.
Ultimately alcohol entered the picture… liquid courage… and I started to discover and reveal that I had lots to say. Oh but there was a high price to pay for that courage… and the hallway stretched endlessly on.
Somewhere along the way, a door of light edged open. With education, a marriage, career, and divorce, I began to forge my own pathway. Quieting the monkey mind, I began to hear my authentic voice and envision my passion until “…the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” (Anais Nin).
I dreamed of connecting with other people, but first I had to learn to connect with myself and to quiet the chatty demons who called me worthless and unimportant. Once I started to quiet my own negative talk and experienced what it felt like to bloom, I wanted to share the possibilities with the world… to shout it from the rooftops… to stand on stage in the spotlight… to risk putting my private thoughts into the world… and stepping into that desire, the pain shifted.
The risk to stay silent was greater than the risk to offer myself to others. It was no longer just about me. It was about US!
Belvedere Museum - Vienna 2013Yes, it’s been a long hallway from shy girl to diva… (and I can hardly believe I’m audacious enough to call myself a diva, but I must admit I love being miked up like a rock star). We all have divas inside us… that internal desire that longs for and deserves to shine! Maybe it’s being a spectacular mom or dad or sharing your art with the world or writing that book or hiking the Santiago del Camino or... you fill in the blank!
I know it’s a long hallway, but the doors to possibility stand waiting for each of us. All we have to do is take the risk and open one.
So, what are you waiting for? Open up!! There’s no better time than today!!
Thank you to Bev Barnes for her amazing reflection, “Breaking the Shyness Barrier” and Sarah Selecky’s daily writing prompt using a long hallway.
Reader Comments (2)
Love this! Thank you for your boldness & your wonderful spirit! :)
thanks for reading and commenting, Pam. it always warms my heart to know someone has been touched by my words :-)